And by sequel at the beginning of my comment, I meant prequel. * XD
July 19th, 2015 at 02:13am
Okay, so I just stumbled across this story and its sequel, and they're both very lovely. Even though this hasn't been updated in a very long time I figured I would leave a comment letting you know people are still stumbling across it and enjoying it.
But that being said, I'm going to offer some advice. If someday you ever come back to this and choose to pick it up again, or maybe even rewrite it. Chances are very slim when a story has been left for this long, but you never really know.
I feel like this story is kind of all over the place, in the sense, that as I go from each chapter to chapter, I never quite know when it is taking place. At first when I started reading the prequel, I assumed it was on a day-by-day basis, until I got to the chapter where Skylar got drunk at Warped and then the next one, she was all of a sudden heavily kissing Alex. Initially, I was thinking maybe it was just a spur of emotions that caused it, but then we figured out it was because they had already been together for like two weeks.
I found this kind of disappointing because you never featured the moment when they actually officially got together, and for that matter, never showed the aftermath of what happened the day after she got drunk and Alex got into that fight. Which made the story extremely lack because that could have clued in to more emotion and got readers more into the story.
And then after that the time gaps just kind of got worse because they weren't really explained and when they were, it was just done pretty poorly.
I even thought about stopping reading altogether because it just got seriously confusing but I pushed on when I saw I had made it to chapter 10 of the last one and saw there were only 12 total, so I was like, well, I might as well just finish it. And I did and it brought me to this installment, so I was like, might as well read this to. Since you only posted two chapters.
Another thing was that I feel for the third person POV, this was kind of all over the place as well. I think the main problem with this story and its prequel was the lack of transitioning, more so the prequel seeing as this had less to go off of. Transitioning whether it dealt with the time gaps or who in third person it focused on. I think if these had been dealt with better, you would've had more readers and subscribers. But perhaps this is just me.
I think it may have been more beneficial if the first one had been longer, with the extra chapters filling in the gaps more and not skipping so much. That's okay maybe at a few points in the story, but that's to say with like a 30 chapter plus story. With yours, it could have maybe been gotten away with once, if that. And a lot of explaining would have needed to be done.
Getting past the criticism, the reason why I continued to read is that I really enjoyed the sweetness of it and what was accomplished. Alex fixed the broken girl and she fixed him. And that was really sweet. :)
If you ever do come back and find the inspiration to continue this story (although I understand if you don't because it's been so long), I will be here to read, because I would like to see an ending for these two, despite my confusion over some things with their relationship, like the crucial point of when they officially got together the first time.
And you really are a great writer, this story you just had some trouble with some aspects. But I may have to check out a few more of your stories, just to see what all you're capable of. :)
