You Shine Brighter - Comments

I really enjoyed this....nice song choice too. Who doesn't love a good Paramore song?

I liked this.
happy endings make me smile.
=]

I really like this story! It's always cool to see original ones.

Just a heads up on some grammar stuff though-
"The room she sat in was an uncomfortable temperature, and it smelled funny. Next to the bed was an IV, it had been beeping her awake all night."
The commas here are improperly placed. I wont explain all the boring rules and stuff but basically there shouldn't be one in either of those sentences. The second one is fragmented so you should either make it into two sentences or add either a hyphen or a semi colon to correct it.
Also I think you meant to say 'keeping' instead of 'beeping'.
Wow, I feel like such a looser to have taken a whole paragraph for that.