Uptown Girl - Comments

i defy you stars. (250)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 31
Location:: United Kingdom

Beauty:
I'mma do this now xD

:cheese: :arms:

February 5th, 2009 at 08:36pm

Beauty (150)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 30
Location:: Great Britain (UK)

I'mma do this now xD

February 5th, 2009 at 08:34pm

Sticky Tape (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 31
Location:: Australia

lord, this is good... i feel like i need to say awesome funny stuffs, or make it a song, cause its that good. is too late for composing, but im sure you get the fact that i love it ^-^

December 22nd, 2008 at 02:51pm

i defy you stars. (250)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 31
Location:: United Kingdom

Mmmm... new Frerard. :yah

December 22nd, 2008 at 01:28pm

Be_Not_Seen (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 30
Location:: United States

Very descriptive. I can't wait to see where this will lead. I'm jumping on the train... I can't wait for more!
♥-Tali.

December 20th, 2008 at 08:38pm

sarah83185 (100)

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Gender:: ♀
Age:: 38
Location:: United States

i cant wait for more of this story im already addicted to it
i love how its described

Sarah

December 20th, 2008 at 07:12am

lovecraft (100)

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Gender:: ♀
Age:: 32
Location:: Canada

Story Review Game :D I'm reviewing as I read.

"How the skittle had lodged it’s self so far up the nozzle was a mystery"
I love this line... it made me laugh.

The first couple paragraphs really give me a good idea of his personality, he seems like the kind of guy who should have a really awesome life but doesn't. You put in a lot of description and backstory subtly, you let your reader know where he's from, where he works, what his personality is like, his name... a lot of information to try to say without saying straightly (if that made sense).

leant=leaned, though I got the point. You have very good spelling and grammar, this is the only mistake I spotted. It's nice, a lot of stories on Mibba don't bother with spelling or grammar. Your word choices are excellent as well, you're using a wide and descriptive vocabulary.

I adore the way you've described Gerard, not every minute aspect of his appearance, but just as a beautiful man. It leaves more to the imagination. The way his friend headed straight for the comics makes me assume a lot about his personality. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, as I have no idea how this guy acts...but it makes me think more about a secondary character. It also takes him out of the way for Gerard and Frank to have their awkward conversation.

All in all, very well written, I'm looking forward to the next chapter. :)

December 20th, 2008 at 12:08am