July 4th, 2009 at 04:34am
But those would be too generic. Nothing about Lucy was generic.
This line really gave me the impression that the narrator liked something really special about Lucy. It was a very nice line.
Those doe brown eyes, flecked with gold. Those gold-flecked eyes, boring into my soul. Those eyes draining me of my ego and self-righteousness.
I like your descriptions. You write them very well.
...insure of how to respond.
I think that's "unsure"? Just a typo, I guess. I just thought I would point that out.
If you’re reading this, one of us finally got the nerve to talk to the other. Hope you put this to good use.
I liked the idea you presented in here.
Creative.All in all, I think you did well. The tenses were consistent and your descriptions were great. This one was also interesting and the way you ended it made me really curious of what was going to happen next but seeing that it was a one-shot... :tehe:
I like the way you write. :)
I thought this story was so cute and stalker like. I love the fact that you made this for a friend. Maybe that’s what I should give my friend for Christmas next year, a story. It’s like a cozy story if that makes sense.
Nothing about Lucy was generic.
This one line was both funny and a clever use of the word generic. It goes into the mindset of the narrator and how he sees Lucy as something special. Lucy is different from the rest in the narrator’s eyes.
The quip about Nirvana is funny too. The only song I know from them is “Smells like Teen Spirit.” It’s like a take on modern society and how most people if they know one song, they think they are automatically fans, especially with big bands like Nirvana.
“Were you watching me?” her blood red lips moved in seductive patterns, letting out a rich, Spanish infused melody. It was like a song you wanted to put on repeat.
I love the way you describe Lucy, it’s so rich and so different. I think “her” after the quotation mark needs to be capitalized. You manage to make the reader feel what the narrator is feeling. You manage the reader to be infatuated the same way the narrator is.
The narrator seems cute and overwhelmed with someone like Lucy. The way he stutters is realistic and the thing with the phone number is really cute and funny. You write well and it’s full of descriptions. There were some little typos, but you have to really nitpick and it’s only one or two.
This was a sweet story :cute: