Wow, I really loved this. The flow was just perfect. Can't wait to see where this goes.
December 24th, 2008 at 09:37pm
You stated out with a paragraph that was so full of calmness and beauty but it was like... put into an abrupt stop when the man snorted, but somehow it's really kind of bland.
And well, well, well... I didn't know this was a vampire fic. :think: I honestly don't read a lot of these, so let's see how this'll go. Though, I think it would be best if you'd put in a summary, even just a small excerpt or so. Just make sure it doesn't ruin the whole story. ;]
Okay. Back to Shattered.
Right as she was about to move, the man ran over towards her, taking him into her arms. I'm thinking it should be 'taking her into his arms'? But that might just be me...
I like how very slowly, the relationship between the two start to unfold through out the story, which is really effective because it keeps some sort of mystery.
I don't know exactly what I think of this story, it's not bad, it's good but I'm finding it too typical. Improve a bit on plotting and putting in a summary, and I bet you'll be real spiffy. :cute:
