Assassin - Comments

Gerard/Lyn love. I love them so much. <3

Your writing's improved quite a bit since I first started talking to you. Always a good thing.

While I did like this, to be quite honest, I think it's too similar in places. There was at least one line that was almost a direct copy from spy story (the wording was just a little different but the meaning was the same). The plot is pretty close, too. I don't mind you using the characters in these roles, but try to come up with something more different from what I wrote.

I did like the part about Gerard worrying about the mud. And you still have a 'then' instead of a 'than'. Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

I like the ending, but I don't think it's quite as open as that earlier person would like to believe. If Gerard was going to go on a killing spree, I think he would bring at least another full clip of bullets with him instead of relying on whatever's in the gun at the moment. Kristen didn't figure it out at all. She says it's a bit confusing.

Overall, I liked it, but I think it was too close to spy story.

tbh, I'm not surprised you've written a one-shot about htis. One day you'll write one about Gerard being a Zombie that has a kitty and eats fish.

I think it was pretty imaginative, good ending, nice storyline. I think you should put a little more depth into the descriptions you make. Make the words really work with the scene.

I think one of your best one-shots I've read.

All-in-all, it was pretty good. Nothing too negative to comment about :mrgreen:

Just work on some of the descriptions and you'll be fine.

Your obscene amount of talent is terrifying and somewhat intimidating.
I suck at reviewing. Sorry.
But... I did love it. You're totally gonna be famous some day, kid.

:) That was really well written and the details were so good. I loved the ending too!

Super glad you gave me this link because I usually don't read anythign MCR related :P

Wow. Thats all I have to say, that was amazing!

Like I said before, that was beautiful!
The details were really well done. And the little random tidbits, too!
I love the ending.

Mkaaays then... So had I not been told of this, it's incredibely likely, certain almost, that I wouldn't have read it. Seeing as it's not the type of thing I would click on.

However, having read it, I'm quite glad I was shown it and all.

Nice storyline, and nice ending.

I liekd the description that went into things, not too much, but just enough to allow you to build up the mental picture of what was goign on and what was happening with out getting bored.

Gerard's battle with himself is clear, how he has to do it becuase it's his job and how he can't do it because he's in love with her. Then coming up with the realistic soloution of just forgetting who she is.

What I like about this is that it isn't over the top or anything. Had it been a real situation, I imagine that this would be what would happen.

And then how things keep reminding him about Lindsey, like the stars and the sparkles in her eyes. Then how his thoughts go onto the little things, like how she'd be mad or what not if she saw the dirt on the carpet.

Uhm, then how he seems so certain that he's detatched himself when it's perfectly clear he hasn't. It's quite heartbreaking to see him try and lie to himself.

He's getting all ready to go kill her, then all thoughts of that and how it was his job and hwo he was ready to kill her seem to drop form his mind when he hears the shot, all through this oneshot you can see how much he adores her, but that just seems to emphasise it.

When he slides down the wall as well, and we see her body not how it is, but through the memory and sight that won't erase it's self from Gerard's memory. And how he pretends it's not her, pretends the blood is paint. I like that.

And the completely understandable way in which she died. It woudl have had to have happen, either way one of them would have died, and in another way both would have died.

When he picked up the loaded gun, my mind immediately skipped to him going on a murderous rampage and killing all those who made him have to kill Lyn, even though he didn't in the end, but it was still her fault. As opposed to killing himself.

But I like that you never actually said what he did, even though it is obviously implied, there could still be other things Gerard goes off and does (such as what I said above), which is pretty damn cool and leaves it open to the imagination. It leaves nothing final. Though I did think him texting Brian that he quit seemed slightly strange, it may have been better with a phone call, as soon as he picked up being like "Target eliminated, etc" then hanging up before he coudl get a reply. But it was still good and I didn't actually realise it was a text until the second tiem I read it... XD

Sooo... I liked this.
I can't actually clearly remember having read anything particular by you in the past, but I'm pretty sure I've read something before. And I'm quite sure your writing has improved. This style and what not suits the mood, it's very good.

:cute:

Wooooowww.

I love it. :]
Like I love all of them.

I wish I was as amazing as you. :cheese: