The Fourth World - Comments

sorry i never wrote the next chapter. thanks for the input im going to start working on it again

I like this story a lot!
It is very original and i can't wait for the next chapter!

"...for Legaer's safety and future, his parents had to orphan him."
~I don't think that 'orphan him' is correct, the concept is there, but perhaps it couldbe explained better.

"He had to sneak out the back of the tent, as quietly as he could, and made his way through Forwarren, but he had to get pass the battlegrounds first."
~There are two different tenses within this sentence. It is incorrect to change tenses within a single sentence, it is confusing to the reader.

"...running for at least 20 minutes..."
~I think the amount of time he ran is added information that is unnecessary to the story.

"...a holy, sacred land..."
~I think the double description is a little too much, I think your readers will understand that a holy land is sacred and that a sacred land is holy, I don't think that the using both descriptive words is necessary. It seems a little over stated.

"Oh, my Lord and Lady, please protect Legaer, watch over him, take care-," he tried to finish, but the monster had grabbed him, lifted him up in the air, and snapped him in half like a twig, and swallowed him whole, spitting up the armor, he left, and what left behind him, was only but a small dagger with his beloved wife's name carved into the wooden handle, and a helmet with the Forewarren symbol drawn in the middle"
~This is a huge run on sentence. Try breaking it up a little more.

All in all, an interesting concept for a story, keep up the originality.