The Wall - Comments

"He" reminds me so much of Pink from Pink Floyd The Wall. Just as depressing, just as disturbing and chilling...You're great at writing, I don't even care about the little things like grammar when it comes to an amazing story like this.

I do like how you put a twist on the ending, too. For those who are familiar with The Wall, we all know that Pink/Roger Waters finally tears it down, but I really like how your character just seemed so hopeless after he lost the only thing that mattered to him anymore. I definitely wasn't expecting that. (Although I do have a nasty habit of not being able to wait until the last sentence of a chapter to see what happens, so when I'm almost there, I just go ahead and read it anyway. When I read "He pulled the trigger", I was like NO, WHY DID I READ THAT?! Hahaha)

Anyway, I really like this! Amazing job :D

This is wonderful.
There are a few spelling errors something about "wait" rather than "weight" and more, there are also a few grammar errors. But, past all that...fantastic.

Your descriptions are bone chilling and magnificent. It had many aspects which accumulated to a wonderful plot, character, story.

Do you think you could possibly make it longer? I would definitely read it, and more about him. I also like how we don't know his name, but you still feel some sort of a connection towards him. Ahh, I loved it.

I really liked reading this.

WOW. That was so...chilling. And intriguing. And eerie.

Are you the sort who likes constructive criticism? Because, well, it would be worthwhile if you tidied up the grammar aspect of it a little bit. Things like periods and sticking commas in the right places, and spelling. And then there's sentence variety...there were a few paragraphs where each sentence began with "he"; it's in places like that where you might want to shake it up a little.

Nitpicks aside, awesome story. The description of his insanity is really chilling, and the way The Wall is described, the way he perceives it as a real object, is just awesome. Not to mention the description of his friends who are clueless as how to help him. You've got the makings of a really awesome piece here. I'm looking forward to reading what else you've got. :D

Edit: Have you thought about expanding this into a longer story? Because if you did, I'd totally read the result. Just a thought. :)

DOES HE DIIIIIIIE?! D:

<333333333 =D

i like it