To Love and Protect - Comments

i think that rocks =] i didnt see the ending coming, i was like "OMG SHE KILLED HIM!"

XD awesome, you has teh skillz hehe

oh how syco i love it :P

I think it wasn't as good as it could have been. I mean, I don't want to offend you or anything, but somehow the emotions were a bit too cliche for my taste. You want to really make the reader feel, and not just one second of initial horror. Something more than that. Something that makes the reader think. Something that makes the reader get into the mind of the narrator and actually see things from her point of view.
I did find one its/it's mistake somewhere, but apart from that the language is fine, albeit riddled with a few cliched phrases such as

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Grace followed him around like a lost, lonely puppy.

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Or at least it was enough until jealousy reared its ugly head and ripped my heart to pieces.

I would suggest using better imagery, really getting into the images and feeling and experiencing them, and living them.
You also used the phrase

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distant grey lines our friendship had become,

and

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not just a butterfly in some horrifyingly plastic social whirlwind.

Those images/metaphors are better, but you need to work on them, especially the first one.
I do like it that you don't provide the reader with every single detail. The reader has to figure out for himself/herself what's really going on between the lines.
I think it would be better, though, if you really tried to understand the inner psychology of the narrator.

:O
You're a really really really really awesome writer.
You probably already knew that.
But I'ma tell you again anyway.

I don't really have much to say coz "you're awesome" pretty much sums it up.

Wow! Its really good!!!!

just 3 word's to say "I LOVED IT"

I LOVED THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow!

Uncle Joan liked my story!

*dances*

That was just gorgeous, so you know. The subtle romance bloomed irresistably and was cutely presented. Congrats and it was an honour to read.

I liked it. IT was sad and great. I also like that it was a femmeslash. I loved how it flowed together smoothly. I will be looking out for more from you.

Thank you. I wasn't actually very sure about the ending, but thank you so much.

Amazing. Just amazing. I really enjoyed the story. I feel sorry for those characters. This story had its sad moments. The wording was great as well. It flowed very nicely. I had never read anything like that before. There were no spelling our grammar mistakes. I wish this wasn't a one shot. I would have like this to continued but it was great. I like the way you write.