Snow - Comments

Cute story (comment swap) I hope I get to read more. From what I could tell in Chapter One, the plot was a little clishe. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as you manage to pull it off, which is the hard part. Good Luck!

*Comment Swap*
I really like your writing. This story is really well written. The introduction could be better as it didn't explain the story or make me want to read it. The chapters can be longer. Other than that great job! Keep up the great work!

You're writing is very clean, it flows nicely. I love that, and I can't read a story that doesn't. It's just one of those things.

Anyway, I liked the first chapter, it really made me want to read more. I'm glad that I got to read this. I like the plot too. You're attention to detail helps the story go along.

Overall, I really like it and you have a lot of talent

This seems really interesting.
Comment swap brought me here but I'm glad it did. The first paragraph is a little weak, but the story gets more interesting as you read on.
You have a very intricate writing style, the sentences flowing from one to the other in a pleasant manner.
I've only read the first chapter but i think i'll continue :3

I really like it! I noticed a few spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors, but nothing major, and I think they’ve all been pointed out already. You describe everything really well, and I can see what’s happening in my head because of that. Kai sounds adorable, and I love the name Sadie. Keep up the good work, I can’t wait to read more!

I really like this story. I can't help but feel intrigued by Sadie's personality. She seems like such a polite person in front of people she doesn't know well, but sheds her inhibitions with Kai. They seem like they would be an adorable couple. Recommending and subscribing! -A

Hey there. Some food for thought while I was reading.

I like the opening line. You push us right into the action of the story without some kind of boring lead up.

...on my way to a place that my Dad had found work >> "my Dad" should be all lowercase like, "my dad." If it were just simply "dad" without the "my" then it would be written like, "Dad." Since it's not a proper noun, then it's all lowercase.

I think that potholed is one word.

My brother had said with sadness in his eyes, that where I was heading, I wouldn’t be able to keep them, never mind use them but giving my beloved pieces of wood and string away would break my heart. >> I feel like for one sentence this is kind of packed with a little too much information. Try stream lining it to make it flow a little better.

Same for "my Mum" as for Dad. Personally, I like it when it's just Mum or Dad because it makes it feel a lot more personal.

"Hi[,]" I replied{,} politely. "... He just said there was work and a place to stay[.]"

Dialogue HAS to end with some kind of punctuation. For instance.
"Hi" I said >> Wrong
"Hi," I said >> Right
Usually it ends in a comma when it's followed by a tag ("I said").
Punctuation has to be on the inside of the dialogue, too.
"Hi". >> Wrong
"Hi." >> Right

I wont point out the others, but you can get reported for mistakes like this and they're such an easy fix.

Nitpick of mine: 'Wow!' I thought. Usually you can just italicize thoughts and that conveys the same thing as putting it between apostrophes.

Nitpick of mine. ok >> Either OK or okay.

This is an interesting beginning to the story. As I said earlier, I like that you drop us right into the midst of things.

You also don't flood with information - we understand she was kicked out, but we don't know all the details. That's good, that keeps the readers curious and makes us want to continue.

Sadie's character is also designed pretty well. She doesn't have a flat feel to her, but she has room to flourish. Great job with that!

xxx Bee

This is a great story, I love your writing style. This whole thing flows really well and the characterization is good. There are a few spelling/grammar mistakes but nothing major so not to worry. I really enjoyed reading this!

Great story, love the layout, just wish it was centered! I like the writing style and can't wait for more! Keep writing! Watch the grammar and yeah. Hope you can post more despite college (: For some reason this is not registering my comment via comment swap so I'm sorry I posted this again. Um, yeah. Keep writing<3

Great story, love the layout, just wish it was centered! I like the writing style and can't wait for more! Keep writing! Watch the grammar and yeah. Hope you can post more despite college (:

Great story, love the layout, just wish it was centered! I like the writing style and can't wait for more! Keep writing!

Your story is really good! I love it! Just a few grammer mistakes here and there, but still really good! Subscribed :)

Hi, I found your story through comment swap, and although I wouldn't normally read this kind of story I found it quite entertaining and am sure to subscribe! You're a great writer, but maybe add a tad more description? :)

Well I read your story and it was v good!

It's a good writing style you have there.

I have a few theories but I'm not gonna share them :D