February 8th, 2011 at 03:30am
Closer - Comments
-
-
this was so sad D: but it was a really great story, too. aww it was so sad thoughMay 14th, 2010 at 12:05pm
-
I've fallen in love with your writing with just two stories.
Their bodies spiraled in an angry, sorrowful, and relieved embrace.
That was such a powerful way to start. It captures you right off the start, and it holds that terrible feeling that makes you think something isn't right, but you can't quite figure out why. And then the news of Brian actually being dead (at least to the other guys) comes, impacting the reader full-force and bringing tears to my eyes. That and the way that Zacky keeps on clinging to his lover desperately, because if he sees him… he must be alive. He must be there, caressing his skin and planting kisses on his lips, because he just has to be beautiful. Zack can't imagine it another way.
They looked at him, faces full of concern.
The way he's so hopeful and blissful, and that all goes fucking away as his friends try to bring him down to Earth, trying in the most gentle of ways to tell him that Brian isn't there anymore. It's a vicious cycle; let him tear down, let him see his lover, let him dream of perfection, tell him the truth again. Hope he accepts it this time.
“Ah’m ug’y,” Zacky said, barely audible, tears now rolling down his face.
I think Zacky's kind of realizing that it was true all along, his utopian dreams shattering, and Brian trying to comfort him the only way he can. You describe things in a beautiful way, no other words for it. It certainly blows my mind. And I love it when authors don't state things literally, just clues here and there of what happened, letting the reader view the events the best way they can; letting them conclude what they have to conclude.
Zacky clenched his stomach, bracing himself for a vast amount of pain from the grip. Nothing ever happened.
And maybe that's what his vision of death was; wasting away until there was nothing left but a ragged, rotten body with no soul. Zacky longed to feel that, he wanted to be with Brian, even in death, and even if he left an ugly corpse, because he was so sure that beauty and perfection would come eventually… once he was reunited with the man that owned his heart. And said man has to be the one that takes him away, leads him towards a place where everything can be.
But, everyday, it would fade a little more, and reality, or wherever the hell they had landed, seemed more and more like a dream. And it was beautiful, and eternal, and it felt like it would never end.
And that's when an uneasy feeling settles in, because there was perfection, there was beauty… everything he wanted. But it's slowly slipping away, and it felt like it would never end, but it did.
And Brian sat on the foot of his bed, body ugly and disfigured a chunk of his skull missing.
I was sobbing at this point. Maybe it's because I'm an emotional girl, sue me, but it was heart-wrenching. It's like a slap in the face, because the truth is that nothing is beautiful and nothing is perfect; at least not while he's alive. He really is longing for that: to feel perfect once again. And HOLYFUCK the last two sentences were just as powerful, if not more, than the beginning. It's the needed closure. And it's almost sickeningly mind-blowing.
<33January 25th, 2009 at 05:13am -
I cried reading that.
It was truly amazing.January 24th, 2009 at 09:47pm
I loved how you explained every detail.
Broke my heart to pieces, but in a good way.