Reverie - Comments

IT LIVES! THE STORY LIVES!

Good to see this again. It does feel a little off, but that's to be expected if it hasn't been worked on for months on end. And I love how you've got Jay trying to be a nosy little bastard xD.

This is so amazingly written! But the uh...slight avoidance of her and matts past is kinda frustrating...lol there's not many Bullet fanfics, and it's kids ironic I find this one less than two and a half weeks before one of my best guy friends goes on tour with bullet for one to two weeks with his band...O.o odd. Lol keep up the good work hun!

I love this whole dynamic you're building up between everyone. Katie (and Toby too, I'm guessing) doesn't exactly seem to be Matt's biggest fan, Sephy appears to be slowly falling out of love with Toby now that Matt's back in the picture, and despite not liking Matt, Katie doesn't really like Toby too much either.

I think there's something up wth your computer; the layout looks just as green as it always has to me.

I spy, with my little eye, the beginnings of a collapsing relationship...

I nearly had a fit when I saw you'd updated this XD.

Love it. When she told Katie about Matt the first thought through my head was 'cue the Jaws music.'

Please tell me this is the Mibba version of Can't Erase All These Memories. Please.
I'm actually sitting here right now being extremely jealous of your apparently natural talent for writing, and for cooking up stories that have a bit more depth than rockstars just randomly screwing groupies and/or each other.
Mark my words, one day you are going to write some magnificently brilliant bestselling book.

I'm in a foul, filthy mood and can't be fucked with a lot on mibba, so I'm going to lock myself away and just concentrate on this review, instead. And hey, it's only taken me a week to leave this! Must be some sort of a record. Anyway.

I liked the detail. I sent a short, warm smile in the direction of the barista as I handed over the change, exact to the penny as always. I think this says a lot about Sephy's character - she's a very precise person and pays great attention to detail. Like, she always pays with the correct change. It shows that she's a person who carefully thinks things out and plans ahead.

This was kind of sad. A ghost of a smile fluttered across my lips as I half envied both. Like most other days, I'd be sitting alone. She's sad that she never really has anybody to sit with, and she has to watch the other people in the coffee shop because it's very rare that she has company. It makes me wonder about Toby and what he does (since he's not really been described in great detail, he's only been referenced to so far) and why he doesn't really join her for lunch often or at all. (this probably made no sense at all)

I like the time that you're taking over the story. I rested my arms on the table top and allowed my gaze to wander the room for a moment I like that you're going into the detail that you are, it really helps to set the scene and this description just makes it all seem so calm and serene - which will contrast with later on in the update. The calm before the storm, perhaps? It's really clever how you did this.

And she's just so organised, like I mentioned earlier. "Hello?" I questioned sharply as I snapped open the phone, wedging it between my shoulder and ear so I could rearrange everything that I had just so conveniently messed up. She likes stability, she likes everything to be the same from day-to-day. She likes to view things in an order and I get the feeling that she doesn't like it when something unexpected happens, or things go out of order. So she instantly has to sort out all of her stuff, she can't wait until the end of the phone call to do so.

I love how she can recognise that Katie isn't in the room on her own. I smiled to myself at her all too forced question, and also at the fact she knew I was on my break. I think it's a sign of their friendship, the fact that she can tell this from the tone of her voice and the wording of the question. They share a very close friendship and this is also evident from later on in their conversation. I love it when I can read a natural, close friendship like this - a lot of friendships that I read these days just seem so forced. It's really refreshing to read this.

I liked this a lot. We'd probably even make the headlines, considering the boring state the town was in at the moment. Brenda just seems like a person who will hold a vendetta forever, and I love that they can both just read her like a book. And I liked the whole aspect of a "dead welsh town" because that's basically what towns are like if there's nothing interesting going on in them. You got the whole mood right with slow welsh towns, I liked how you just hinted at it without going into great detail, yet the reader still knows.

I adore your character of Gavin (and not just because he strongly reminds me of Gavin Burrough of FFAF!), he's sort-of the light relief that keeps things going along when it's all serious. Gavin had already gone missing four times since he started his internship. This just really amused me, he's obviously a person that is very disorganised and a bit of a klutz - a definite opposite to Sephy's character. I adore the way you've written, he's definitely one of my favourite characters in this.

Brenda is just so blunt. "Before me again I see, Persephone." It's kind of petty, it's not a friendly "Oh, I've bumped into you again! Fancy that!", it's really cold and kind of thoughtless. It's as if she thinks that Persephone does it purposely to frustrate her, even though it is just a mere coincidence that it always happens. Brenda doesn't seem like a nice person at all.

Sephy doesn't want any confrontation. "Brenda, look, I don't mean any harm, really," I assured with a ring of honesty in my words. "I'm just on my lunch break." She's just speaking honestly and trying to get away from an argument or confrontation on her hands, but Brenda just seems like a person who won't let something go - she complained about Sephy always being in front of her in the queue, for starters! That just shows pettiness to the extreme.

This shows just how much Sephy is affected by this confrontation. I grumbled to myself as dug a £2 coin from my purse and handed it over. It's mentioned earlier that she always pays with the exact change. The fact that she's paid for something without the correct change shows that she's not fully concentrating because Brenda is causing unnecessary conflict. Her mind is in other places and it shows that she's really thinking about escaping from this argument.

This is a bit rich, coming from her. "Excuse me, but I think you need to learn some respect!" I mean, she started a petty argument, and has been completely rude to Sephy, yet Sephy can't give it back? This makes me dislike Brenda even more, because she reminds me of a person that I hate. XD Anyway. This frustrates me a little, she thinks she's all high and mighty and just looks down her nose at Sephy.

Loved this. Brenda finally looked a little taken back, and that didn't happen very often, that was for sure. This man, despite his friendly appearance, held an air about him that made you respect him, and I don't think she was ready to push that. YEAHH THAT'S CAUSE HE'S MATT TUCK, AND HE DEMANDS THE RESPECT. NOBODY MESSES WITH THE TUCK. I don't really have anything constructive to add to this comment but that needed to be said. :lmfao :shifty

And after the argument/confrontation, there's something to lighten the mood. I quickly retrieved it, flipping open my phone and scan reading the message from Kate, letting me know the photos were finally found - along with Gavin. Gav just seems to be the character that's there to add amusement and comic relief to the story and I'm interested to see what input his character may have in later parts. There seems to be more to Gav than meets the eye. We shall see.

This was so cute. I could have sworn I saw a small, polite smile behind the coffee cup that was hovering in front of the stranger’s lips. It's kind of awkward between them, in a way, because neither of them are quite sure what to do or how the other will rect. And it's interesting to read. I like the fact that he's not been given a name (it had better be Tuck though, cause of my rant from earlier! XD), so he's a bit of a mystery and the fact that you've not gone into detail about him makes the reader wonder.

Loved this. Sorry about the (short) wait. :arms:

Oh this is exciting! You're writing again.
And although you wrote a very long chapter about a few minutes in a coffee shop, you did it wonderfully. It didn't seem long and drawn out at all. Lovely job dear. :D

Can't wait for more.

I love the start to this story, it's excellent!!!!
Can't wait to read more!!!
x

EPIC FAILURE AT LEAVING FEEDBACK ON TIME!

I must apologise. I'm very sorry. :arms:

I loved the way you opened this up, it was quite eerie. The soft yet irritating sensation moved up the length of my arm, sending goose bumps erupting down my spine. Your descriptions were amazing and detailed, and the image in my head is just perfect. This is one of the reasons why you're one of my favourite writers on mibba, your imagery and descriptions are incredible.

The fact that she has a pet makes her seem a little more human, if that makes sense. Honey was still relentlessly rubbing her body against mine in her cry for attention, currently nuzzling her nose into my thigh. I think that was a sweet image and it shows that she's a person who's got a soft smushy side. She seems like a very soft, sweet person.

I like how she's able to notice the slight flaws in her character. glanced at my watch to discover it was a little after 8, which gave me enough time to sit around for a while before I left the house. This was where it always went wrong, somehow. I like that you added this in because it makes her character seem a whole lot more believable. She comes across as a person who is not always reliable at times, but she makes the effort. Which I think is better, personally.

This was good. Skipping the elevator which coincidentally had a large 'out of order' sign across it today, I climbed up the three flights of stairs to our main offices. I liked how she described it as being "coincidentally", it's like she's set herself up for a bit of a rubbish day without even realising it.

I think this sentence reiterates the fact that she's not always the most punctual of people. "Persephone, you're on time?!" I heard a female voice call over incredulously. It's like people expect her to be late, and make allowances for her. I loved the friendly banter between the two women, also. It flowed well and it just read so naturally.

You have officially made the story sound very welsh and you have really understood the welsh culture! :tehe: The guys were usually quite rowdy on a Monday morning, especially after the rugby. Rugby's a big thing and I'm glad you picked up on that. It's pretty hard to be Welsh and hate rugby. So I'm gonna use the n00b clapping smilie because I can't be bothered to see if there's a better clapping smilie in the board ones.

This bit...I totally didn't imagine Gavin Burrough (FFAF bassist) here at all...:shifty "You okay there, Gavin?" I asked softly, making the large pile of papers on the boys arms shudder wildly. Doesn't help that he wore black DC shoes, cause Gav does too! :lmfao Anyway. This paragraph was basically me going off on a tangent and this had no relevance to your story at all. :lmfao

Great so far. I'm looking forward to seeing where you'll take this. I'm very intrigued. :arms:

Sorry again about the wait.

I'm gonna leave feedback for the prologue now, and the first part later. I hope that's okay.

The opening was quite strong and definitely made me want to read on. It really makes me wonder what happened, and I'm really intrigued. Great opening.

And then how it goes on to say that she should have been smiling. It shows that she's really been affected by whatever it was that changed her life and it really intrigues me. And how her home isn't her home any more. I really feel sorry for this character.

Sorry this feedback was useless. I'll definitely leave better feedback for the next bit. :arms:

I think it's awesome Amy.

And man, I wish I could write long chapters.
This may have been short for you, but jesus.
For some reason I get to a certain point and I just can't type anymore.
It's rediculous :'[
lol