Rattle - Comments

i miss this story

I hope you guys update this soon!

Wow, this story is amazing
It's cute and extremely interesting and well written
I'm defiantly subscribing to this.

awww this is so cute i love it!!!! u have to contiue please

I've never read a Bryero but for you I'm gonna read it and comment.

I like how you started with such an incospicious situation with the bratty, kid, if I hadn't known this was a mpreg I would have been confused why you started it with this. Already I can see you're subtly trying to introduce the dilemma that will make up this story. Frank really doesn't like kids and I'm so worried to see what his take would be on the upcoming events. Would he wants children? Would his previous experience make him not want them at all? I wanna know! :tehe:

Oh and that subtle line I picked up on, that frustrated PMSing moodswings once a month. :tehe: Can I take that as Frank being the woman of this relationship?

So far I like how this story is unfolding (I'm commenting it as I go), and the only suggestion I have is that maybe the mundane, regular parts of a day can be cut out? The story can easily turn into an account instead of a chapter if all their actions are recounted, maybe add in just comments here and there about the setting, their feelings about where they live, or general past history moments that can tie in with what they're doing? To get us to accomodate better with the characters, though this is only the first chapter and I know how much of a bitch they can be. I'm sure you progress a lot more in the next chapters.

Your long sentence structures show your maturity in writing and come in at the right points. Sometimes the length of the sentences can be very important. I can see you avoid using short sentences when describing daily events, as they can provoke you to repeatedly start sentence with 'I' and ruining the flow of the story. But you avoided is so all is good. :cute:

What was the second part Frank fell in love with? ~~

I think with their dialogue you really show they are a long term couple, they have that occasional love shining through and the lust and especially their care and consideration for each other that can come with knowing a person for so long and valuing them highly.

Aww, I gotta cut it short here, I will be back and comment on the second chapter soon.

hey, im sorry, my friend and I are having an arguement about this story. We were wondering, was frank born a chick, and had a sex change, or was he born like he is now?

New reader

Wow, just read both chapters, had to laugh at Frank when he was having a go at the kid and how adorable is Bob (can I have him).
Can't wait to read more.

I actually prefer playing electric to acoustic guitars, I find it easier on the fingers.

Anywho's, oooo sounds like an interesting idea, can't wait to see how this pans out, those two are so cute!

Great update!!

I can't wait for more!!

This is great!
*Subscribes*
update soon!!
Xo

I loved the update.
I can't wait to read more!
The author's note made me giggle!

Damn, there's assholes everywhere. No offense but i seriously can't stand people who don't speak englich because all I can speak is english so it's like 'what the fuck are you saying?!?!?!?!'

But then i get over it! xD

they are so adorable together! i love it so much! update wicked soon!

Awe, great update.
More soon!

Awesome update.
:XD

poor bob

*lets out breath* AWESOME update! So Frank's a girl... :XD i kid, I kid.
But seriously, I can't wait for more! They're such an adorable couple

*re-holds breath*

yay first chapter!
its super awesome!
my first guitar was an acoustic :D
so im good!
this is amazing!

Ah, I can tell this'll be amazing ^^

Psyche Adrenaline:

Loopy-Lizzie-:

:crazy:

Can't wait!!!

Just one question, what's the El Chillador?

http://galeon.hispavista.com/charango/img/chillador1.jpg

That's an El Chillador. :XD

Oh, okay!!

I've never seen one of those before. It's kind of funny looking.

So anyway, I loved the first chapter!!

Can't wait for more!!