This is really good stuff. I was about to cry by the end. (I love the last line). The little details you bring up are so simple yet so meaningful at the same time.
There are a few tense issues. You stay in present tense most of the time, but sometimes you go into past tense like here: The log flume crashes down the slope and we’re hit will a wall of water. It mixed with my tears, washing them away so it’s like everyone’s forgotten about us already.
Other than that, there's very little criticism I can give. It's truly beautiful.
There are a few tense issues. You stay in present tense most of the time, but sometimes you go into past tense like here: The log flume crashes down the slope and we’re hit will a wall of water. It mixed with my tears, washing them away so it’s like everyone’s forgotten about us already.
Other than that, there's very little criticism I can give. It's truly beautiful.