Four Strange Stones - Comments

I would first like to say that I never read fan-fiction.
In fact, I hate fan-fiction.
I rarely will read it, and if I do it's only for the purpose of either a) helping people pick out mistakes or b) because I'm bored.

Since I read your other story, and helped with mistakes, I decided to read this and the title sounded interesting.

Second, I would like to say that the line, "Time passed by and the past already tasted like lies to me," was beautiful.

Thirdly, a few things I picked up.

Bold is your line in the story.

I meet these people not for the first time in my life, but I have never talked to them.

That line was slightly confusing. I suggest that maybe you say something along the lines of, "I have met these people before, but I never have talked to them."

We know who we are and who the other people are, but our meeting have always been reduced to simple signs with one’s head and an exchange of gazes, never words.

It would be "but our meetings have always been reduced"

I don’t know why, but I find him too many times searching for my gaze.

That could be "I don't know why, but I find him searching for my gaze"

Apparently they know each other for a couple of years, though Ryan never mentioned his presence in his life.

Know would turn into knew.

Our eyes cross yet another time today, but the touch feels a little different.

The eyes technically don't touch so maybe try "the look seems a little different"?

I simply stay here, looking at some place lost in the horizon, trying to figure out what Gerard searches so intensively in my eyes.

"Trying to figure out WHY Gerard searches so intensively in my eyes"

I just quitted looking through the window, and I find those piercing eyes in my eyesight.

"I just quit"

His is as addictive as I have never thought, since I have never looked directly at him like he does to me all the time we meet.

"every time we meet" not "all the time we meet"

It happened every day. I came home with a frown upon my face and the same pair of eyes was staring at me, the same intensity in them scratching my skin.

"and the same pair of eyes WERE staring at me"

I really felt his eyes undressing me not from clothes, but from silence.

This was slightly confusing to me.

But that's just me.

I would change it to,

"I really felt his eyes undressing me. Not my clothes, but undressing my silence."

When I entered the lobby that would lead me to my apartment, I could feel him smile wider in my back, as if he was proud of having met my eyes once more, but still ashamed of admitting it.

When you say "in my back" it usual makes people think that something is in something else. Try "towards my retreating back"

Or better, Gerard brushed his fingers through my hand, just a little bit, as if trying to know if I would understand his meanings.

Through his hand?

Or through his hair?

If you meant hand, try "across his hand"

They were also shorter every time they got into my mailbox, as if Gerard had lost his wish of writing to me and telling me what he felt and thought.

"as if Gerard has lost his WILL to write to me and tell me his feelings and thoughts" would sound better.

=]

Just a few suggestions.

Some of those are just personal preferances as to what sounds better.

I'm not good at commas and all that punctuation junk, but when it comes to stuff like "know" and "knew" I'm good.

This was so adorable. I was wondering what was going on with the four stones, I was completely and utterly confused, and then I just went; "Awww!" When I saw what it meant.

And I was about to cry when Gerard left. Even more so when the letters stopped. *Sobs*

that was amazing

I love this. Your writing is magnificent and the imagery you used totally grabbed me. Especially this line : 'When I read his letters, it was like I could feel the touch of Gerard’s pen, jotting down the words and sometimes whispering them to the lonely surrounding walls.' I thought it was so beautiful.
I love the originality of the idea. The proposal was so creative and unique and i commend you for it.
Good luck with the contest :]
x

CLAIM! :shifty

This was so beautiful. I'm not really used to reading one-shots with happy endings, but this wasn't overly sappy or cliché. I love the way you repeat sentences from time to time; it shows how you don't just add sentences for the pure purpose of having more words, but because they're genuinely needed. I also like the uncertainty of it; the way you jump from one time to another, and how the ending is so open it allows us, readers, to interpret it the way we want.

Ryan's funeral bringing them together was a really unique way to make them meet. Their shared sorrow is basically what makes them feel undersood, so they start sharing their thoughts. Of course, you're not going to build a friendship, even less a romantic relationship, overnight. It starts at a low pace, which makes it all more realistic.

And it's nice how you made Gerard go away, and after a long time come back. I mean, in several stories, one of the characters has to go away. And he either doesn't do it or he leaves for a ridiculously short amount of time. Gerard was offered a big opportunity, he at least had to give it a chance. Then, of course, he realized he couldn't stay away from Frank. It shows how much he was hurting in the fact that he stopped sending Frank letters; I mean, a relationship like that must be really hard.

And the proposal... It's so creative to write it on stones, in that same grave where they'd first touched. And the way Frank at first didn't want to meet Gerard's entrancing gaze, and then he simply couldn't look away... I like how you developed their relationship instead of just going straight at the proposal.