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Leaving You to Be Forever Seventeen - Comments

  • FrankJScott

    FrankJScott (100)

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  • tabula rasa.

    tabula rasa. (120)

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    One Shot For One Shot

    This was cute. :] I felt a tad confused reading the first paragraph, but everything straightened out for me as I kept reading.
    Anyways, nice job.
    August 11th, 2009 at 06:04am
  • isangelical.

    isangelical. (100)

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    Oneshot For Oneshot

    Okay, um. Before I continue, I'm just gonna say that the layout is really annoying me. It's too narrow and the font looks too big, which gives me an impression that you're trying to make it look longer.

    Something about the first paragraph just seems a bit too forced, to me. Sort of strained and like it's trying too hard to make the character seem like a victim. A lot of it comes across as unrealistic to me. Also, '11:30AM' would look a lot better written out in full, as 'eleven-thirty' and either say that it's in the morning or keep the AM. Or even use ante meridian.

    :shifty I wasn't aware that 'spontaneity' was a word. I think the one you wanted there was 'spontaneous'. A spontaneous streak.

    For '(a nice, yet old car.)', it doesn't need a period and I really don't think it needs to be in parentheses. Why not just include it?

    As I'm reading this, I feel like it's a typical story about girl meets boy in band, they sex, boy changes his skanky ways for girl, blahblah. A lot of it is written in a way that could use a lot more description and charactarization. It does have potential, I suppose, but it needs revision. I don't like it at all, and it moves way too fast for my taste. I don't find it appealing or very original. It plays out as action after action and I can predict things before they happen. It needs work.
    August 6th, 2009 at 05:15am
  • addicted.

    addicted. (100)

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    Wonderfully sweet. (:
    Definatly continue this as a story. Alot of people will love you for it.
    August 1st, 2009 at 03:52am
  • soprano

    soprano (100)

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    Aww, that was adorable.
    Alex's personality is so cute, and this whole fic is so fluffy and sweet.
    Good job!
    August 1st, 2009 at 02:10am
  • amelie

    amelie (200)

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    I've got on my Sherlock Home-y glasses and I'm wearin' a trench coat.
    My beard just grew out and my fingernails are fickle -- not really -- so, here ya go:

    This, m'dear, should totally be turned into a story.
    Maybe what both -- or just Ca's -- lives were like before all that dying jizz.
    After the contest o' course, but yeah...

    :file:

    I liked it. :yah
    March 7th, 2009 at 11:30pm
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