I loved your story...Just wanted to say that!
August 1st, 2009 at 10:58pm
I liked it. It was enjoyable =]
There are just a few points you may want to consider:
1. The ending was a little cheesey, but you admitted that yourself anyway, Sometimes it's better to leave the reader wondering what became of them rather than painting a fairytale ending. It makes them more likely to remember the story.
2. I think the term "love" was used too loosely; love doesn't happen that fast. Even thought they'd known each other for years, they would both have changed, just because everyone does when they go from childhood to their teenage years, so they would have had to get to know each other all over again. (But I also think it's used too loosely in real life so I suppose it's not too big an issue).
3. The characters were a little too perfect. Neither of them had any flaws that I could easily pick out. I have younger siblings myself and while I love them and would do the same in Frankie's situation, I know I would get irritated having to look after them 24/7, and I know that no matter how much they love me, they would ask after our Mum a little more than Sam did. And I don't think anyone can just dismiss a parent leaving them like than like Frankie did. Even over time, you would still be upset about it or resent the parent.
But on a positive note, I think it was well written, and the element of suspense about what had happened to her mum was done well, and I genuinly didn't know how it was going to turn out, I thought she might have been in an accident or something, so the surprise worked as well. Frankie racing around the house trying to find traces of her Mumw as written very well and brought a tear to my eye.
The characters spoke realistically for their age group as well. I hate it when people write dialogue as if they're writing a fairytale.
Overall, a very enjoyable tale =]
