I've read this story multiple times and each time I enjoy it just as much as I did the first time. And each time, I wish you would do a sequel more and more.
July 24th, 2012 at 06:45am
Love your summary, I'm looking forward to reading - I'll comment as I go along. :cute:
I personally wouldn't put 3rd Person POV before your writing, even if the POV swaps.
Readers can figure it out for themselves, and it just lowers the tone of your writing, which is already naturally fluent.
There are quite a few Alex's! I know I'm a little confused - it's hard work to swap names round once you've written something though, so just bear it in mind for future stories.
Heehee, I laughed at the sex talk comment. I cringed half a mile when my mum did that with me. Thank god we got it out of the way though.
"I'm secretly British? My ancestor is a goldfish? I have a ginormous stomach and I'm going to eat you all?"!
Oh god, Ally & Mitchell are affair-ing behind Lexy's back?! That's not cool. Man, you made my heart do the sinky-thing. You've obviously got me hooked to these characters already - that doesn't usually happen second chapter. Well done.
Try not to end each chapter on a low note - sometimes you want a high note to cover up the negatives and get people to check in for the next chapter.
Yay for Lexy dumping Mitchell's lazy butt!
Boo for Mitchell getting all sweet for a minute.
Yay for Lexy leaving anyway!!
Boo for Jack being an idiotic father.
Yay for Alex being cool!
"Sir, if you don't cooperate, we're going to be forced to do a strip search!" :cheese:
*eek!* Cliffhanger with the plane journeys!
Neat ending. It's just a shame Jack couldn't have sobered up a little.
Check back at the contest page for the results some time this evening!
& good luck. :cute:
