The Song that No One Sings - Comments

Wow
What a cool story. I feel honored I got to read it. At first I was really confusing, but eventually I caught on. You have done a wonderful job keeping the reader intriqued. My favorite part about the whole story is that so much of it is left up for your own personal interpretation.
Wonderfully written
Tay

This, could have been a lot more elaborated, in my opinion. It's a sweet and tragic story, but there is so much missing and it's hard to understand what's going on.
It's like, it starts way into the story, and it ends before it's over and I don't get it.

I love how you used the prompt though. The glassbox that Gerard was trapped in was such a beautiful metaphor for the emotions holding him back. And to have it shattered and then let the hope leak out in the end was beautiful.
Great work and good luck! :arms:

Wow. That was so amazing. I loved your use of colour throughout this one-shot, as it's really important for the ending of the story. Black and white are also very conflicting colours, which could perhaps symbolise Gerard and Frank. For example Gerard's skin is pale, pure as you described the white ceilings, so maybe Frank is the tainted one, as his skin is inked. Could that be related to sexuality, and the fact that Frank is openly gay, and Gerard not willing to admit he has feelings?

I thought the ending was completely perfect, because it ties together all of the things which you have described in one simple sentence: "And there's hope..."

The glass box was a very clever idea, as you cannot see this box. I like the way he constantly wonders whether it is in fact himself inside the glass box, rather than it surrounding Frank. To me, it shows that Gerard is unable to take down his barriers and let Frank in, as is shown when he refuses to give into the desire to touch Frank. I couldn't help but wonder whether it was Frank putting the glass box between them at times.

I love how I'm made to question absolutely everything about this entry. My favourite part was the moment when Gerard cut himself, and I have one main reason for that: the hope is not white, like I would have imagined it to be, but red. As I mentioned earlier, colour is a big thing throughout this one shot, but to show hope as red I thought was a really good idea. You may have done it subconsciously, but I feel like the red of his blood shows that there will be pain in getting the one he loves.

Very very stunning entry. Congratulations for top ten!
xo

Jeez, that was written beautifully. This story just makes me question everything about it. Was the glass metaphorical, one or both of them had wrapped it metaphorically around each other? Gerard was protecting Frank from himself or vice versa? Were they separated by some unknown force, been transported to some fucked up wonderland-like world? Or was Gerard just so high on drugs that nothing was clear anymore except Frank and even he was unreachable? All in all this reminded me of some form of video game, of the oddly other-worldly nature. Whether that was intended or not, it was wonderful all the same. Sorry if that made absolutely no sense. For what its worth, I love this entry.

I'm thinking the box was figurative. Because in the begining, after reading the summary, I assumed Gerard was living in a "glass house" and he was trapped inside for some unknown reason. Something like that. And then I read the begining of the story and thought my reasoning was good.

And then they were sharing a bed! Frank was right next to Gerard. So now I've come to the conclusion that the box wasn't really there... and represents some kind of wall that Gerard has put up to keep himself away from Frank. But he was bleeding at the end... so it had to have been there to cut him. :crazy:

I think I get it now! The glass wasn't there... Gerard reached out adn actualyl touched something that wasn't "black and white" so he "bled" to show that there was hope. The blood was figuartive too! [I hope.][/rant]

You're entry has me wondering what else is out there because everyone is doing so well at making their stories so thought provoking. I can definately tell that you've worked hard on this because everything is worded miraculously. Good Job. I hope I didn't rant too much for your liking.

Sorry about that. Good luck in the contest! I think you'll do well!

This was lovely. I'm sort of confused, but... it was beautiful. Gerard was in the glass box all along, yes? Very pretty. Nice use of your prompt, as well! :cute: