I think it was nothing short of phenomenal. You convey emotions beautifully and I think your stories deserve more recognition than this. <3
May 27th, 2009 at 05:22pm
To start it off, this had me staring at the screen with an open mouth at how blunt you had been with telling the readers the truth. The opening line attracts me to read more into it, I'm glad I did...
You think that you’re just so special when really… you’re only seventeen.
I do not know why but this line really spoke to me; probably because I’m one of these people that believe everyone is special. It left me gobsmacked; this one line made me want to read it all, which I have done four times now because the first time I read it I read it too fast to take it in.
The minute Josh Franceschi opens up the door to his parent empty house, she felt the relief because it looks like he only has eyes for her. Once again, it’s not quite the truth you think it is.
That small paragraph made me wonder why she felt the relief that he only had eyes for her; don’t guys usually have eyes for too many girls at once? I could feel my curiosity seeping out of my ears as I kept reading on further because the way it is written meant we (the audience) had no idea what direction it was going, which is great because normally, you know from the start the whole plot line.
When you’re drunk, suddenly the monster that has been lurking inside you all this time suddenly jumps out. You can act as if you are the happiest person alive, but once you have reached a certain point you can no longer keep that act up. You can’t stand it any more, it’s tiring; always having to be someone you’re not. The acting gets lax and suddenly the barriers fall down with an earth shattering sounding crash and then boom. Suddenly the real you is there to see for everyone.
This made my breath catch in my throat; it was just so honest of the effects of getting drunk. I don’t think I’ll be able to touch anything alcoholic for a couple of months after how you described it...
It had started so well. The boy she liked for a year and more had smiled at her. He looked good in that white shirt and he smiled a lot, it was just something that Josh did. But then he left. He hugged most girls but not her, and on top of it he didn’t leave alone. It was as if there was something wrong with her, like she was a leper from the Old Testament. It hurt her, especially when she thought that for once she actually looked beautiful.
This small part lets the reader know how he really doesn’t notice her which makes her insecure about herself – this worries me that Josh can effect her like that…
Once the loud club music stops and the hard, cold wind finally hits you, you realise what was the truth all along: that no one actually cares. Everyone is far too absorbed in themselves to care for you. They say that truth can be beautiful, but now Charlene knew better. She knew that once the truth hits you cold and hard in the stomach, that it’s a terrible thing the truth. Cold, hard and steely. It hurts you and it relishes the fact that it has this effect on you. My it hurts but you know what, the fresh scars on the arms of a four foot eleven girl who is apparently ugly and overweight hurt more. The self-inflicted truth drummed in at two thirty in the morning speaks volumes. Maybe it’s the drink talking but it seems like the truth will out.
This acutely sent chills up my spine. The truth always hurts and that paragraph made me think twice about my own friends….
Overall, this left me with a sour taste in my mouth from all the truth especially from the last line You’ve only got yourself, and if you don’t like yourself… well then you’re fucked aren’t you? because that has to be one of the most honest things I have ever read. I did enjoy reading this; I can see myself making the story so I can keep coming back and reading it over and over again. :tehe:
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I’m sorry about this craptacular review but I’m trying to build up the idea of being able to write reviews hence the reason I joined the thread.
