Alienation, - Comments

Wow...talk about amazing. I just read that in my study hall and i was like "Oh no" and "ahh" and people were like....wtf? and i was like...shit. but yeah. thats was fuckin AWEsome.

wow, how can i ever begin.

I believe i have told you how much i love this story.
:tehe:
it was really amazing, the way you wrote this. I mean, how much can someone actually write about torture and pain?
:arms:
you did a great job.

I love the way you began the story, by describing Jessica as she walks towards Frank.
my eyes see no beauty; they see anger. My eyes see no grace; they see hatred. My eyes see no love; they see obsession.
It creates a mysterious feeling, and leaves the reader hooked and wanting to know more... especially when you say that Jessica is beautiful, but Frank can't bring herself to love her.

i love the way how Frank was "broken" by Jessica, how a mere woman can actually affect Frank so much and cause him to become so vulnerable and be so emotionally weak. Emotionally he was overpowered by her, and he couldn't fight back, and he was so lost and helpless. I think you captured that perfectly.

I find it sick, yet somehow acceptable that Jessica actually beat Frank up. I mean, she loved him, in her very own sick way, and she wanted him for herself. But it was a wrong, sick kind of love. But what i couldn't accept was that she made him work as a gigolo and a drug pusher... what kind of love is that? what i can conclude is that Jessica doesn't truly love him, she may have observed his family and how much he loved his wife, and she wanted that kind of love for herself... but she doesn't truly love him, she just created that facade in her mind because she wanted what she couldn't have...

The Panic Room. Well, i think you captured that part amazingly well. I mean, you can almost feel as though you're in the same room as Frank, alone, helpless and in so much pain that it's overwhelming. And how, even though it's a place where Frank comes into contact with his raw pain, it actually relieves him in a sense...

woah.
:cheese:
i can't even say how good it was.
it really was painful to read (in a good way of course).
I pitied Frank, yet in a strange way, i got angry with him for not fighting back.
He shouldn't have let himself fall into jessica's hands, when he, as a man, should face up to it bravely and protect his family.
Poor Charlotte.
Sigh.

Anyway... it was amazing.
Great job hun
:arms:

Oh my God, that was... addictive. Really really well written, and so so sad. I yearned for something good to happen to him for once, but in such an abusive relationship it's rare good things ever come out of it =/ Is it weird that I actually read that thinking that the man was Frank? :lmfao It was only when I got to the end that I realised that it wasn't!

Anyway...

my eyes see no beauty; they see anger. My eyes see no grace; they see hatred. My eyes see no love; they see obsession. Lovely expression of emotion, and you used the sacred rule of three xD

and that was why I gave myself to her obsession It's really sweet, yet sad, that he (ha, I wrote Frank at first and only then remembered it's not a Frerard!) won't run away because he knows that he has to suffer in order to protect his family. It shows just how caring he is, especially towards his wife and daughter.

Jessica is such an evil, sadistic bitch. I hate her. Which is good, because it means that the way you've written about her character portrays her personality in such a way that the readers can really imagine she is real, and they really dislike her.

It felt as though I was apart to fall apart any moment. I think this should be 'I was about to fall apart'.

Then I fell asleep to dream of nothing, as my unconscious mind had already learned to be empty of any fantasies It's so sad that he's so broken he can't even dream for fear of getting his hopes to high.

That was such an awesome oneshot, you had me completely hooked; like putty in your hands! I really hope (even though it's only a story) that he finds a way out of it, especially if he found out that his wife's death had been faked or something! Okay, going slightly off course, but the main point is, that was awesome!

Wow. What a cliff hanger! I read the last line and sort of thought to myself "Oh man, i wanna know what happens next!" You really did leave the reader begging for more with this one-shot and i salute you for it. You built up to the ending superbly and i can't help but feel that i need to jump into the story and save Frank from this psycho in some way.

Her gleaming blue eyes are crashing against mine like the ocean that meets the sand.
I loved this image. Just two contrasting things that have to be forced together, just like Jessica and the voice of this story. 'Crashing' is such a powerful verb, and i don't know if you intended to do it, but it seems to give the reader a hint of what's to come later on in the story.

Everyday she showed me new pictures of them, of their sad grieved countenances, to tell me that I should be hers and only hers.
After reading this line, i started to seriously think about the mental health of this woman. How can someone be so cruel? Especially to someone they claim to 'love' so much.

She said that Lauren had died. My beautiful wife was gone from this world, along with her brother, due to a car accident.
I can't help but wonder if Jessica had something to do with their death...

I guess Jessica followed my eyes, as she touched my fingers softly and gasped at the sight.
I sort of love the way she hurts him and then immediately turns into the 'caring' lover soon after. I mean, you've shown perfectly how evil she is. It seems like this caring side is all a show to me, just another device to get him to love her and forgive her for all the pain she has caused.

I guess she didn’t want me to die, no matter how much she enjoyed hurting me; she just wanted me to love her, but that I really couldn’t do.
At this point i started to feel sorry for Jessica. Only very slightly, but I still took pity on her. She just wants one simple thing that she can't have. She can't see that you can't make another person love you, especially if you're beating them and manipulating them in so many ways. I sort of feel the need to help her in a way.

This story bought out many emotions in me; fear, pity, sorrow, frustration for not being able to help. You portrayed the emotions of the character so well.
This was an excellent one-shot.

omg that story was so... wow, that was AMAZING!!

i was listening to I Don't Love You through part of the story.. i noticed how well the lyrics fit in. this story was so unpredictable in some ways.. in others, its like i could feel everything that was going on. it was so.. sweet. so beautiful, hurt painful, touched in a way that made me want to give all my sympathy and love to Frankie, to let him know someone out there really wants to help him.

at many parts of the story, i kind of thought about why she did that to someone she 'loved'. i mean, if she wants him so bad, why not try to help him, and even though taking him away from his family obviously wasn't smart, and ik bipolar disorder does some crazy stuff to you (like literally, IK), but.. yeah. i guess i understood the whole time, in a confusement sort of way.

really sad, so beautiful and sweet though. when i got to the part where frankie was 'making love to Lauran', i thought 'oh he's gonna have it coming..' and then when she started beating him after he called her Lauran, all i could think was 'see? he had it comin..'
lol so yeah.

after i read the p art about where she was getting the belt, my heart fell to the floor. well, bed, i guess bc im sitting on one as i write on my laptop, but you get what i mean.

i could almost feel the pain in tragedy.

then i got mad because the story ended. great cliffhanger though. it really had me goin.

xoxo-
Frankie
STILL YoUr BiGgEsT fAn!! lol

Well, this definately meets the requirement of a cliffhanger.

If I wasn’t her slave, I would say she is gorgeous. I can’t though, because my eyes see no beauty; they see anger. My eyes see no grace; they see hatred. My eyes see no love; they see obsession.
That is a wonderful description to start out this story, hun. The contradictary perfect and really hits you hard.

I love your descriptions of Lauren and Charlie. It really shows hs much he loves them, even though he divorced his wife. You did a great job of showing how much of a captive he really is.
I came to the horrible realisation that someone had been watching them.

She told me too many times that she had found in me the perfect one for her heart, the man of her life, the one in her fate/
That really shows to me how messed up she is. I mean, you can't just 'meet' the person you're destined to be with and then kidnap and rape them. People who are mentally stable just don't do that...

Everyday she showed me new pictures of them, of their sad grieved countenances, to tell me that I should be hers and only hers.
::Ranting: I really just don't like this psycho bitch...

I never had a choice; she would beat me up if I didn’t do it.
I love it when people say things like that, because it's a complete and utter lie. He just doesn't have the balls to make that choice, he could fight back, but he's not going to. Everythings a choice. I just love how people never realize this.

It had been one year since my crying had started.
At first I was confused as to where he could cry at. And then I was introduced to the panic room. :tehe:

<3 the Panic Room. It's great, and really helps contribute to the story!

Okay, I'll maybe finish this comment later, because I have to go do things, and people are bothering me every which way. xo

P.S. great job!

Comment virginity!
I name thee page: Completely Freakin' Insane, because that's what this oneshot is.

Holy shit, that was effin gorgeous.
I knew it was going to be painful and emotional but I had definitely not expected something like that. I definitely see how this was so difficult to write, especially as this guy is by the of us seen as a very specific Frank and not a randomer. I admire you like crazy for coming up with this crazy plot and getting through with writing it although you had such problems. I'm really happy I could help you through it, because this is just wow. Possibly your best oneshot, really.

In the beginning it was hard to see how this crazy woman could have such an insane power over Frank, but as his wife and daughter was put into focus it became obvious that they were the reason he stayed alive and obeyed Jessica's wishes. I feel so sorry for Lauren and Charlie. They must have thought that Frank just left when he sent divorce papers and that he didn't love them anymore. Which I love at the same time as it makes the whole story all the more tragic when Lauren died and left Charlie all alone, both of them still believing that Frank was gone, not wanting them in his life anymore. That's just beautiful.

Jessica is such an interesting character too. As Frank says it is a vicious cycle where she hurts him because he doesn't love her because she hurts him, and that's just so wrong. Hurting someone you claim to be the love of your life, your soul-mate, it's so sick. She is so sick and I love how you really made it come through with how she hurt him, abusing him, before becoming this lovely sweetheart. It's like she doesn't believe he has any emotions too, as she just keeps throwing information about his family into his face, expecting him to just love her unconditionally although he's crying for them.

It's so sad that Frank just finds himself in this situation, too, that he just accepts it so he can keep his family safe. I just want him to lash out against Jessica and fight back. He just takes everything she gives to him, barely doing anything just because she threatens his family, but it makes him such a coward. If he loves his family so much he should fight back and risk everything for them, he should be stupid, reckless and just get out to be with the ones he love. He should kill for them, make sure Jessica can't get to him any more. :crazy:
He really just makes me so angry when he's lying and pitying himself in the panic room. Of course it's hard to know what else to do after so long, but still, complaining don't do nothing, and wishes only help you when you fight to make them come true.

I watch her as she walks towards me. Her light brown hair is long enough to adorn her features, as it falls over her ears and eyes. Her gleaming blue eyes are crashing against mine like the ocean that meets the sand. Her graceful neck, arms and torso form her typically female body and those swaying hips make her come to me in a painful slow motion. If I wasn’t her slave,

I love the repetition of this part, as it's in the summary, in the beginning and then in the middle, where it has the most meaning to it. I'm sure she'd a beautiful woman as Frank says he might have loved her if she wasn't so sick and kept hurting him, and I'm sure she really is a sweet caring person deep inside, somewhere beyond the bipolar disease. When she kisses and caresses him she has to be loving him in a really pure way, but it's still buried beneath her other personalities. She wouldn't ask him to make love to her if she wasn't so lost in that love she held for him that she actually believed he loved her back. When she kept repeating 'I love you' as they were about to have sex, I just felt that she was so far gone. She was insane and the love she felt made her even more sick.

I love that Frank was saying goodbye to his wife that way, imagining she was the one he was with. He fooled himself and he fooled Jessica to believe he was enjoying her, when he was lost in the same old wish, only dreaming of being back at home with his love. But I do believe that he might somewhere deep inside of him have some kind of feelings for Jessica - the loving Jessica. If he didn't, I just don't think he'd always give in just like that.

When she gets angry and really just flips at him it's absolutely fucking gorgeous though. It's probably my favorite part as it's rather cute that she's really jealous of a dead woman. She knows she can't have him completely, no matter how much she tortures and beats him, so she just has to beat and torture him even more. It's brilliant.

silver belt with tonnes of sharp details all around it, which make me want to forget how grazed my skin got from its cruel touch some time in the past.

The belt. :tehe:
I didn't even think about it being a cliffhanger because I was so excited about her being so evil and Frank literally cowering beneath her, and just how scared he was for a belt. Later I realized how the belt was described and could understand why he was so scared of the belt... Still, there is something about belts being so cliché in this type of thing as it's so old fashion, and was used hundreds of years ago when beating up little boys who didn't obey. Just like Frank here is a little boy who won't obey his mistress. This little detail is just genius and gives you a little image of what happens after the cliffhanger :cute:

Overall, I just loved the entire oneshot and I'm so proud of you for writing something so difficult. I know this was really hard for you, but I meant what I said about this being one of your best oneshots. It's just so brilliant. :arms: