Bloody Mary - Comments

Congradulations! You have won second place in my mental institution contest. Here is what you have won:

* Two banners for two individual stories of yours
* A link on my profile for one month
* A link on my signature for one month
* Comment on three individual stories/ one shot of yours

(Message me about the banners and the stories/ one-shots you want me to look at. This one-shot did not count against the comments.)

Story Review Game

Title:

Sounds bloody, but very original.

Summery:

I loved how the summery explained the disorder. I completely understood what the disorder was and everything. You didn’t get too technical with it, you made it so people could understand what the disorder is.

And kudo’s for putting in the amount of words.

Content:

The blood oozed out of the little red lines in her skin, so close to the color lipstick she wore that night, the night she came alive.
This is one of my favorite lines out of the whole thing! It was so descriptive.

A smirk slowly crawled over her lips only it wasn’t the shy little brown haired girl’s it was hers.
This sentence is a little confusing to me. It just doesn’t seem to flow right.

Once again Mary was bloody.
This was also one of my favorite lines.

I loved all the description used in this one-shot. With that, I could play the whole thing in my head, down to the ending. Sure, it was bloody, but it was written well. Some bloody stories I have read don’t give much description but this one-shot did, which made me happy.

Overall:

I loved everything about this one-shot. There were hardly any mistakes but the ones I did find, you don’t have to worry about. I also loved the vocabulary you used. Very sophisticated. You didn’t use small words but jumped into the big words.

Overall, I liked it!

That was....awesome.

OH MY GOD IT IS SO AMAZING!
It's so well written and the main character is so well developed.