July 31st, 2009 at 04:36pm
TEAM JOE!
(raises hand)
Yeah. Fo' sho!
(:
I really like this story, I can tell why you love it so much :D
Just a little input (:
First, you have to be careful what tense you use. You tend to go from past to present.
Secondly, you must must must pay attention to details. If you don't, the story doesn't flow very well. For example, in chapter 9, Lucas tells everyone that his last name is Cooper, but in chapter 11, it says that Lucas' last name is Richardson. Now, maybe no one else has realized this, but avid readers like myself pay very close attention to minor details like that. But don't worry, I've made this same mistake before. What I do, is while I'm writing, or right before I post the chapter, I go back and look at my other chapters to see if everything matches up.
Also, in these sentences, I cannot see the connection between the bolded words. Before she knew it though, the stranger leaned down and kissed her right on the lips. She was just about to pull away but she stopped. She let him continue kissing her. She knew it should have been Joe kissing her at the moment, and not Lucas. Lucas does not tell Lacy who he is until a few lines later. Therefore, she would not know who she was kissing and the second bolded word should not be 'Lucas'. I would suggest 'this guy' or 'this stranger'.
Other than that, this story is written very well. I'm sad that it's almost over, though.
Good job :mrgreen:
That chapter was amazing, please update soon :)