Show Me Your Lightsaber - Comments

I love this!

What a totally cute story, haha. So awkward and geeky.. I loved it. Especially the line that Marissa said about being Princess Leia and Ethan as Han Solo. That was just way perfect, and added to their characters.

I didn't know this exsisted 'till now.
I like the awkward good bye.
"Glad to help a firend"
XDDD

Oh, I liked it A LOT.
I loved your characters, and I liked how Ethan used a lightsaber of all things to protect himself.
Very good job! : )

Thanks for entering my contest! Here's the comment I promised:

The first thing I noticed was the way you started the first two real paragraphs. I think here, the short intro to the characters worked very well. Because it was simple and short, I think it works.

Ethan was turning eighteen soon, and Marissa was going to be seventeen soon.

I thought that using the word 'soon' twice here came off as a bit redundant. Not horrible, though, but a bit bothersome.

No questions were asked; nobody really wanted to know why she hated Dante. Lance was just glad it was over.

I really liked this bit. I think it's kind of a realistic big brother thought. Lance being relieved that he no longer had to worry about his sister dating some guy and not really being concerned with why? I thought that was a nice touch.

He took to deep breaths and sat down on the couch

Two deep breaths... :D

I thought that her breaking the window to get in was really funny, mostly because it was so extreme, but extreme in a way that was kind of silly and fun and not overdoing it. I think it really added to the her character/personality.

The story itself felt kind of rush. Like one minute, she was breaking into his house, and the next minute, it was the morning after. I liked that it was kind of awkward because Marissa was so blunt and honest and the best friend's sister scenario is bound to be a bit weird.

In all, I really liked it. The line “Just think of me as princess Leia, and you’re Han Solo.” - I thought it was really cute and, once again, true to the character. I think it's great that you managed to flesh out these two characters in such a short space.

Really nice. :D

“Are you, are you sure about this?” Ethan asked her. Marissa leaned over him and pulled his inhaler out of his pants, she took one puff and nodded her head, “Just think of me as princess Leia, and you’re Han Solo.”

:lmfao I loved that part.

Anyway, this was adorable. Good job, and good luck!

lmfao. the title is god.

Lol, I found that really amusing.
And I agree with Audrey T. I think you could make an actual (for want of a better word) story with those characters. :)
Good luck with the contest

“Just think of me as princess Leia, and you’re Han Solo.”

:XD

Okay, so I was skeptical when I first started it, but as I kept reading I was cracking up! It was so cute. And I'm a huge fan of nerds, Star Wars, Harry Potter, what have you.

Oh my gosh, best part was the Batman sheets at the end. :tehe:

Very cute, very adorable, and very funny.

Keep writing!
Bee.

I really liked this. I think you should make it into a story or make a story using those characters. Ethan seems like a really interesting character, but I love dorks so I might be a bit biased.

That was really amusing for me; it's all I can say because I'm still giggling.

Good luck with the contest!