Struggles of Mind and Body - Comments

Well that was nice. I'm sorry I haven't read it, I've been too busy to read anyone's stories, honestly, but I'm gonna try since I have dial up now. But yeah I like that you made Marty, he seems really nice.^^ And I wanna know where he's taking her!O:....TEEHEE!XD

loved it :)

can't wait for the next chapter. Marty seems cool :)

so good ! :-)

Not bad. I gotta' say I'm really liking Marty, he seems to make her time at school a lot less painful.

But sherry could go fuck herself. actually that sounds to good for her, let her be killed by a rapest. For once I think someone deserves it.

Wow Aaron. Very well written. Keep up the amazing writing. I can't wait to read the next chapter.

Aaron! Well, I’m finally getting around to review your story. I’m going to be reviewing the first chapter. So let’s get started on this thing. First of all, you speak pretty well as a girl. Not bad for a guy. Anyway let’s do this thing.

First vibe I get from this story is…clichéd. Now, clichéd is not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just something to watch out for. I’ve read some of your fanfics and I know you are an amazing writing. With this, I feel like it is a bit repetitive and pushing the emo label a bit.

Now this girl’s life seems to be awful. She is dealing with bullies and her bullies are coming in her nightmares. It seems pretty awful.

AFI, My Chemical Romance, Slipknot, and other various bands people would instantly put off as “emo”. I shook my head. I wonder if anyone ever using that phrase ever actually stopped to think what kind of offence it could drive.

Eh…I don’t like listing all the bands, not sure what you have planned for this story, but I really don’t like the emo label being pushed around because frankly there are too many stories like that. Also the way she dresses and the fact she cuts. Now, granted cutters are not necessarily emos and emos are not necessarily cutters. It’s just…weird for me.

“Because Moira and I usually are up this early to finish any homework we didn't do and study.” Moira was a fake person I made up a few months ago.

“Oh. When do we get to meet Moira?”

“I don't know, could be a while. She's pretty shy.” To think I created a whole fake personality in case anyone asked about her...

This just turned this entire story for me. This made me feel better about it and that it would not be clichéd. It’s like…wow. This girl has to create a character, that’s pretty sad and it shows how tough her life is.

“Eggs?”

“Okay, sure. How you like 'em?” He smiled brightly.

“Yeah!” he said excitedly. I gave him a very small smile back and fired up the stove once again, cooking him his eggs. I wouldn't be leaving any earlier than I usually would be.

This part really confused me. The kid didn’t answer, he just went yeah! The speech flow is something that confused me, a lot. Maybe it’s because it’s 11:00, but I don’t know. Sorry if I’m missing something.

You know, I like the brother and sister relationship, it’s very cute. It’s extremely cute, Tommy is like the light at the end of the tunnel, he’s such a sweet little kid and it is refreshing to see a brother/sister relationship that is loving.

Well, that’s about it Aaron. As you could tell by my story, I’m not too big a fan of dialogue just going back and forth. However, you are. Hopefully this is of some help.

Hope it helps :cute:

8) awesome.
I can't wait to figure out what happens with Marty.
I wish I could write as much as you did in a comment
but yeah.
so, why Marty?
and Anne?
and why did Sherry and Tammy do that to her?
who are they?
I have so many questions.
Good job Aar! - AnnieBlah

Wow this is really good, very insightful into the mind of a female...for a guy I mean :D But its really good so far and I will most certainly have to read more

xoxo
Alice

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<33333333333333333333333333333333 LOVE IT! Hurry up and post more don't take so long! D=

Aww, you thank me at the end of every chapter! *feels special*
You're welcome Aaron. I like doing it. =]

Aaron! I can't believe I haven't commented this!
And... I didn't just skip straight to the comments section... *subtle* Lol.
You should know by now what I think of it, because I tell you enough times. XD
I absolutely adore the title, and I love Anne. =]
Your writing skill is amazing.
Now put the second damn chapter up already coz I know it's written. XD

it's interesting, to say the least. you need to update. i want to see where this goes.

Aaron i absolutely love it! I love how you put yourself in a girl's shoes and it's very brave in my opinion. lol. sorry i didn't get a chance to read it sooner but it's great hun!

I loved how kind her brother is. And loved how the chapter had them talking because it made her feel better and showed her that he likes to talk to her. I loved that you showed us another character. You have nice detail and I can't wait to read chapter 2! I'm getting addticed.

: D Good job. Nicely done.

Awesomeness story. I wish I had yer talent lol

that was brutal. :o
i liked it! lol

I like it,
its pretty good,
I like yur describing =D