Seventeen - Comments

"Let's go, class." (ch.4)
Did you mean 'let's go, to class?' or was that intentional.. I don't know, but I do know this is interesting and I'd like to see more. Please update soon?

I love the telling the story backwards concept you employed. It makes the story even more interesting and, also, your writing style is beautiful. :')

Chapter three, and I'm in love with this. I don't want to fawn over your descriptive or grammar skills, because people have already done that for me.

But I do want to say that this story makes me feel unreal--completely insignificant. And it's scary, and I really love it.
Thank you.

It's so sad. But so beautiful

Story Review Game

Firstly, I was really impressed with the way you wrote the summary. Before I even do reviews, I actually have a glance at the story first to see if I really want to review it. And this made me hurry back to the story review game to claim it before anyone else :tehe:

I looked through the previous chapters, and was honestly glad to see that they were a decent length. They were so short, but didn't feel rushed in the slighest because they were so cleverly detailed.

I really liked how you used a school scene, as it just seemed to make the characters feel.. real. You used a very simple setting, but managed to put it's own feel to it. If I'm making any sense, haha. I mean, I just lose interest in stories that use such simple settings but over exaggerate them or don't put enough detail into them. Either one of those is horrible. But your description, though so simple and blunt, flowed together so nicely and created a real feeling for the setting and characters. I think it was very well done. There were no unnecessary details for me to question or point out either. That's the sign of a good writer.

The dialog also suits the setting perfectly.

"Class is almost over... Want to see a movie tonight? I've nothing better to do."

It's just the kind of thing you always hear at schools, and you pulled it off well enough to not sound cliche. They act realistically. I liked that :)

This was overall brilliant. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors either :)

The structure feels controlled and is going at just the right pace. Good job! :D

Story Review Game

I really liked the summary of this, the description you used to give us a picture of this girl. To be honest, I kind of got the image of Janis Joplin in my head as I read it, which I thought was pretty nice.

Prologue

I must admit, I would have liked to hear a little bit more about Morgan's life with Joseph. That section seems a little vague to me and if it is going to come into play later, I'm not sure if I'll really remember it. The prologue was a little short as well but I like that bit you added about her mother being crack addicted. I'm sure that'll come up later.

And I really like how you're running the story backwards. That's quite a unique format and I'm sure you'll pull it off well. It'll be neat when the story is finished to read it from the last chapter to the first, in chronological order.

Chapter One.

I am quite intrigued that you started (ended) this with a funeral? It's such a good way to open, especially with the unique format of this story. I got that Morgan was a wild child from the summary of the story but I wasn't expecting her to die. And I loved how you mentioned how much people seem to care after someone is gone. It kind of reminds me of the saying, "You don't know what you have until it's gone," in a way. Highlighting that the pastor didn't know Morgan was another bit I agreed with. That is one of the main things I hate about funerals, that the person speaking about their lives has no fucking idea who they're talking about.

I'm really intrigued as to who the narrator of this story is. I can only assume that it's one of her friends but I suppose that I'll find out soon enough.

Chapter 2:

Ah, we learn the mystery man's name, Max. I liked how you actually used that fact from the summary, that Morgan would tell you her name was Bob, and actually used it in the story instead of just leaving it there. I'm really looking forward to hearing more about her life and just how wild she really was. She's already an interesting character and we haven't even really met her yet.

I really like this so far. It has a unique format, and an interesting character just from the summary alone. I think I'm going to subscribe and I can't wait to read more. :cute:

Summary:
I like how you start this out. Contradicting the usual girls written by amateur authors, you give someone who is imperfect. And that's a very good start.

I absolutely adore the summary. It's sort of morbid in a way, the whole explaining how...not the basic fictional female she is. Especially the whole departure from this world bit.

and liked to affect an accent. This sentence confused me a bit. I wasn't sure exactly what it meant.

Prologue
I don't like how short it is, but it sums it up. I love the description of her lungs tearing from her mouther and all that. Although I wa a bit confused as to who Joseph was. Was he some random guy? Or was he her dad?

Chapter One
I like this chapter. There wasn't anything that I really didn't like.

I love how you tell the story from a different person's perspective instead of Morgan's who seems to be the main character. I think that's very unique and interesting.

I also like how you're going to tell it backwards. I can't really give you my opinion on how it's going to work, but I'd like to continue reading it. :)

I applaud you.

Story Review Game

Prologue.
You draw a lot of attention to her outer appericance, which is good because
that is your main focus. You describe her bluntly but not in a bad way. It is still artistic and very capturing.

Chapter One
I really like the description of her birth. I think you should elaborate a little more
on Joseph to explain what he did to fix her. Once again with less than 500 words captured my attention, good job.

The only thing I really don't like is
Her story begins now
i think it sounds elementary. But if you like it keep it :cute:
Great Writing (:

You caught my entire attention.
I really can't wait to read more.

I can't wait to read more!

This sounds really interesting so far.

Update soon.

: )

I like it so far. We need more stories that aren't all about Pete Wentz and other stupid famous people.