Execution. - Comments

Erika, I would love to have some sort of writing lessons from you, because you have such stunning work that I would absolutely love to be able to write something as incredible as this myself. I'm guessing you already know that this is amazing from the numerous other comments from people above who've pretty much said everything that I wanted to say (especially Bonnie), but I'm basically going to repeat everything they've already said.

I'm going to agree with Beth on this, that the emotion you portray is so overpowering that I found myself on the verge of tears. I didn't cry, because I'm heartless, however I was brought extremely close. From this one-shot you can physically feel the relationship between Bert and Gerard, and it's so strong that you don't want it to break - which unfortunately it will because the execution is inevitable. I think that's what makes me so attached to it, and what made it a notch better than everyone else's - simply because I didn't want the ending to happen, but I knew that it would have to (if you understand that at all...). I found myself extremely overwhelmed by how quickly I was able to understand the infatuation between the two, and the level of love that they share.

It's quite incredible how you can use words to make my heart ache. I swear it woman, you have some immeasurable talent.

Once again I agreed with Beth on the fact that you used your prompt extremely well, especially considering it wasn't necessarily an easy one. What I also liked is that you produced something completely different to what I was expecting, which was another really good thing.

Your Bert is stunning. I mean it - seriously. It's like his mind becomes my mind, and I can see myself - very vividly - in his position, even though having your boyfriend executed isn't something that you see every day. The little things that he can and can't see past also make me adore him, particularly when he mentions about Gerard's hair and the fact it's been shaved off. It's as though Bert still sees that older version of Gerard, but now he has to accept the fact that Gerard isn't like that anymore. I fell in love with that.

As well as this I loved the way I didn't and did understand Bert's decision at the end. Personally I would have disobeyed Gerard at the end, and would have gone to see him die. However I think that it shows Bert's complete devotion to Gerard, and Gerard's decision to not have Bert there at the end is almost like his dying wish. It's tragic that he has to die so young. *sigh*

I kept hoping that somehow the guards would be sympathetic to Gerard and Bert, and allow them to walk out in some way. I was hoping there'd be some amazing rescue mission, however from there not being one, I was hit by an amazing sense of hopelessness. As though that really was the end. As though that was it. He'd be gone. Even though that was devestating, I loved how real it made the one-shot, because obviously people feel like that at the end. There's nothing they can do to stop it, and it's as though both boys (perhaps Gerard more than Bert) understand this.

I'm going to agree with Lizzy on the fact that simple things make this incredibly special, and I'm also going to draw on the same part about the meal. If it was me - and I began thinking about this whilst reading - I wouldn't know what I would want for my last meal. However Gerard has something that reminds him of Bert, as though he needs to take in as much of Bert as he can.

Right, so I'm onto my favourite character of the whole thing: Gerard. I felt like screaming at the guards, the courts, the cops - I don't care who they just need to understand that Gerard didn't mean to hurt anyone. His schizophrenia makes me sympathise for him even more, because he didn't understand what he was doing, and as people have said before me, it's obvious that he feels remorse for what he has done. I feel people should have taken his mental state into account. I want to set him free, because he doesn't deserve to die, but then he shouldn't have killed someone else, however he didn't mean to...

I'm never quite sure how I feel about the death penalty. I really compliment you on using it as a topic though, seeing as it evokes so many other opinions and points of view. Personally I don't condone what Gerard has done, but I do think that he needs to go free. In thinking that he needs to go free though, I'm brought back to the emotion of hopelessness, because there is nothing I can do about it. It's inevitable. He will die.

I'm going to leave it here, because there are a million things I could say, but I feel it's all been said above me. I apologise for how late this comment is, but I'm off to get some lunch because I'm starving! Perhaps I'll have some lasagna and sob over it in the process... I might have to get out the Ben & Jerry's to save me from depression in the cliché Bridget Jones' Diary style.

It's really beautiful. You should feel extremely proud of this.

I really liked this..No I loved it :] It was so sad and..ugh. I don't know. But it was amazing.

My God, your writing is so wonderful, beautiful, and just breathtaking. How can you write love so well? The love you portray in all of your stories just makes me jealous intensely so. It is what I want; it’s what we all want. It also makes me want to go out into the world and hug everyone I love. Gah, you evoke such emotion into your readers, and I know I’m not the only one, but I feel blessed by being able to read your stories. They’re all so special.

I’m really glad you showed the effects of what the schizophrenia had done, but not the illness itself. It meant that when they parted, Bert was truly parting with the man he loved, and that made it all the more heartbreaking. Plus it proved that he was no longer dangerous, and really it was wrong he had to die.

It makes me really happy when stories include wonderful little moments, which are just so alive; they feel almost as though they happened to me. This point in particular I love lasagna, just not yours because you do it differently. I'm sorry. I adored that paragraph. It was just gah…wonderful and I love how Gerard felt the need to apologize for it. It was perfect. The second half of this story was just so powerfully tragic yet touching I was nearly in tears. Thank you for that, it just reminds me (as cheesy as it sounds) how beautiful and commanding human emotion is. Sorry this comment isn’t up to much, it really doesn’t do your story justice. This is why right now I detest commenting really good stories, because I just don’t have the time to comment. Anyway, good luck in the contest. It makes me feel kinda screwed… seeing as I now have no chance. But as per usual with your stories I really don’t care. Erika if you don’t become a writer, I will be very very upset.

This was so... gah.
I don't normally read Gerbert but I was sucked in from the very beginning.
You made it very powerful and emotional, and I congratulate you on taking such a difficult topic to write about and pulling it off. :arms:

I thought this was amazing
The emotion, and the way you described it was just... wow
I'm amazed by it. :cheese:

1. :cheese:

2.

And 3. I don't think you need me to tell you how beautiful this one-shot is. I'm not in the habit of reading Gerberts, but this is definitely something.

I personally felt that there may have been a little too much narration, but that might just be because I like having an almost balance between dialogue and narration when reading, and it was a minor thing that didn't factor too much on my opinion of this one-shot. The use of the italics instead of quotation marks was a nice effect there...like mentioned above, it makes it feel as though Bert's reliving it.

And the thing that crushed me was that Bert was seeing him, when in just a short while he wouldn't be alive anymore...I don't know why, but at some points not seeing him at all would have seemed less upsetting, for Bert at least.

It makes me wonder how many other people have had to deal with this kind of situation. And while I can understand why Gerard was convicted, I can still sympathise and agree that the death penalty wasn't fair (and seeing it from Bert's point of view was an interesting perspective on it).

Well done. Your plots are quite amazing.

This was so sad! I was nearly crying. Only one thing I could fault and that was the fact that the story content continues onto the chair and is extremel hard to read.

I felt like I was there as the emotions were so strong. The cell description fueled that fact.

Great job! I wouldn't hesitate to read more by you.

Sorr this took so long, my internet was playing up!

Oh my gosh. This story very nearly had me sobbing, and i’m sure if I wasn’t crying all day yesterday because we left school I would have been, in fact...there’s a lump in my throat.

This is AMAZING! The way you wrote it was so powerful, you could just feel the emotion through the whole thing. I don’t even know what to say about this, but I love it so much!

I think you used the prompt really well, to be honest I was a bit nervous about whoever got this prompt because it seemed like such a hard one, but I really loved the quote and to be honest I really think you did it justice.

I really love it.
Dr.Seuss xx

"...I miss the lips that made me fly..."

That's a lyric from the very sad song I needed to hear as I read the end of the story. It fit so perfectly with it, that it made the ending just a little bit more bearable, if that makes sense?

Erika. This was the most beautiful, most sad, most heartbreaking story I have ever, ever read. I have no words for how much I enjoyed every moment of it.... though it very nearly killed me to read it, too.

The style and format of it was just gorgeous, how every word that was said was in italics and not in quotes. It seemed almost as if Bert was re-living it as an awful dream, something I imagine he did after that dreadful day quite often. Everything about it was simply beautiful, and I'm glad you didn't divulge on their relationship by slipping into flashbacks. Bert's simple recollection of Gerard writing him love songs and singing him to sleep was perfect, we didn't need any more reassurance of that, we simply believed Bert when he said it the first time.

It was so realistically written, and I think that is what makes it so sad. Everything about their last day together was beautiful. The way they held each other every moment of that day, and spent hours kissing and touching was lovely. I love that no matter what Gerard had done, Bert saw through to the person Gerard was to him and always was, besides when he was sick. He believed in Gerard, in the man he loved, the man you described so beautifully. I don't see why his crimes weren't forgiven, considering it was a mental illness that caused him to become a killer.

It's simple things about this oneshot that makes this so very special, and so original, and so... beautiful. Like, Gerard's last meal. That's the sweetest thing I think I have ever read, something so... brutally honest and downright innocent, coming from an innocent man that lied only to protect Bert's feelings rather than crush them by admitting the truth about not liking his lasagna.

If only the jurors that convicted him as guilty could see Gerard the way Bert did, or know what a sweet and caring man he was. This story was just too heartbreaking, yet a joy to read because it deals with such a dreadful thing that unfortunately lots of people go through. It's so heartbreakingly real, but was done in such a beautiful way.

Bravo, Erika. You have done a very wonderful job with this, and I don't even have to read the other entries to tell you that you should win, because this is hands down the best Gerbert ever written.

I love you. :arms:

He moved his face out from my neck, and cupping my face with his hands, he gently pressed his lips to mine, and even if the gentle, tongueless kiss lasted for several minutes, it felt as if it ended too soon. Like our relationship. Like Gerard's life.

I was bawling at this line. It's the first time I've ever cried at a fan-fic. It was beautiful. I have no chance up against this, but I don't even care. You deserve to win - this is amazing.

Wow, I read this and now I have this horrible sad feeling inside me. This was beautifully written, honestly, one of the best fan-fics I've ever read. You should be proud of this, the descriptions, the imagery and the way it was written was beautiful and perfect. I love it!

Amazing.
I was tearing up at the raw emotion of this.

<3
A favorite of mine.

Finally!!

This was so gorgeous, Erika. You already know that I liked it, and I think I told you I didn't cry because I was lucky, or my dad would have seen me cry and ask me a lot of questions. And then he wouldn't understand, because he thinks I'm on the computer working on my school projects, but I was definitely beta-reading your one-shot. And oh my God, what a story! I already knew this was going to be painful, because I knew about the Schizophrenia, and about the crimes, and about the death penalty, and sure I DO know how much you can make words seem real, so I knew what was expecting me. But I had no idea this was going to be so fabulous.

It all started with the way you presented us the two characters in that same person, Gerard. IT was him and the Schizophrenia, and you portrayed the disease as a second person, as if Gerard was possessed. He sure couldn't control what he did, due to his condition, but seeing it as something exterior to his body made it even more beautiful. You work like that, and I'm proud of you.

They were trying to eliminate the Schizophrenia and didn't care that they were killing an innocent man in the process.
It's just so beautiful how Bert truly loves Gerard, isn't it? No matter how much I don't like the real person, he doesn't matter here because you created a whole new Bert. That's what I don't like about Disclaimers, and what I do like in your own 'Disclaimer' out there. We might not own the names and the images we get while writing this fan fiction, but we sure own the characters, because we build them the way we want and not the way we are.
And this story is the perfect example to show this to other writers; we do own the characters, no matter how much we see the real Gerards, or the real Berts, or every other people that inspire us. Because inspiration can come from everywhere, and only we know that... This is almost as perfect as Croquis because the characters exist on themselves, and if I didn't know this was a Gerbert, fan fiction, I wouldn't have cared about their looks, because the only thing that matters is how much these two men love each other and care about what the other is doing and going through at the moment. Gorgeous.

Bert, promise me you'll be happy after today. Not tomorrow, not next week or even next year, but be happy at least one day in the future.
This is what I most appreciate in Gerard. He cares about Bert. The same happens when he tells Bert that he doesn't want him there, watching him dying, by getting your brain fucking brain fried, wearing a goddamn diaper! Gerard wants to remember and be remembered with all the glorious moments they had, to be remembered as the man who loved to cuddle and to wake Bert up with kisses to watch the sunset/sunrise, the man who would never hurt a fly, the man who would smile all the time, the man with the "Scout's honor". Damn, Erika, this is so amazing that you including this here, because it makes me feel proud of being a Scout, no matter if we're a different kind of
Scouts over here! I am proud of Gerard for being so strong when Bert is asking the guards to not take his boyfriend, they just love each other like that.

Letting go means forgetting.
No matter how much I disagree with this sentence, because I let go a million things and a thousand people in my life and forgot not even one third of all that; I believe in reminiscences, I believe in loving people for all our lives, no matter if you don't see them any more. I remember a lot of people from my past, people that I had to let go, or that I had to see letting me go, and it hurts to think of them, but I didn't forget them.
However, I do understand what Bert means here. He doesn't want Gerard to die, because he knows that it was the Schizophrenia who did that, and the disease no one could control. But people could control the man holding the disease, and it happened to be Gerard. Bert just didn't want to let go of his boyfriend, no matter how much he would have let go the disease, as long as he could keep the man he loved so much. I love you for making your story as deep as this.

Then, I adored all references to how time and life are short for us. Simple things like
the gentle, tongueless kiss lasted for several minutes, it felt as if it ended too soon. Like our relationship. Like Gerard's life. or
they mingled on our faces like our hearts mingled in our kiss and in the love we had shared for what felt like a lifetime. But it wasn't a lifetime.
totally make the difference in the text. We finally realize what Bert meant with not wanting to let go, and not wanting to forget. He will never forget Gerard, but he didn't want the moments to end so soon. After all, they had thoughts about dying together, as old people, sleeping peacefully in the same bed, right? And now people that didn't know Gerard, that didn't know how evil Schizophrenia can be and turn people into nothing more than puppets... those people are being evil themselves, by taking Gerard away. And Bert wanted it to last a lifetime... well, it was a lifetime for Gerard, since he was going to die very, very soon, but it was too soon and I do understand what Bert is suffering. It's always too soon for us, because we think that we never lived time enough... and it makes me think of my own Gerard, in Rejuvenating, the one who doesn't want to grow old, who wants his eternal youth, possibly because if he keeps his body young, he will be able to avoid diseases for a longer time and live longer years. It's all about that, and I love how there is such a powerful connection between different stories in here. Gorgeous, once more.

What I loved the most, I confess, was how Bert obeyed Gerard. He didn't want Bert to watch, and he respected his will. Many people would not care about that request and would be there, in the observation room, to catch all moments of their beloved ones, but Bert didn't want that. He wanted Gerard to live, he wanted the smiling and caring Gerard, the kissing and the cuddling boyfriend he loved with all his heart. Bert loved him but most of all he respected him, and no matter how much it hurts to know that tomorrow Gerard won't be in his bed, he knows that Gerard will always be watching him and will always be grateful because Bert respected that desire of not watching Gerard die, because Bert respected the disease and accepted Gerard with all his flaws... and they sure were many, I believe.

I've read Lizzy's comment before mine, and I have to agree yet disagree with one thing she said. She mentioned the dialogue being in italics rather than in quotes to make it seem like a dream. Well, I believe that Bert was not dreaming but already telling us Gerard's last day on Earth because it happened in the past. In my opinion, this is Bert talking to us from 'now', and telling us how 'one day' he found a man that wrote songs about him and died because of a stupid Schizophrenia that didn't want to give him freedom. That's how I explain the italics; Bert is remembering this, not in a dream, but possibly in a story, that maybe one day he will put into a song and dedicate it to the love he shares with Gerard. And I think this is why it just hurts so much that we have to assist to how Bert's heart had been very successfully executed along with Gerard's body, but I am grateful that you brought us this story, Erika, it just means the world that you can be so amazing with words, and making them be so powerful and irreplaceable in the middle of all the stories I've read in my life. You make everything worth, and I want you to keep surprising us with your stories. As much as I wanted to surprise you with this comment, because I want people to know how much I love you and how much my beta-jobs are only good because I work with your geniality everyday.

Thank you!
:arms:

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