On My Knees - Comments

That was truly amazing, Billie is such a tease. I loved it, It flows nicely and is really well written I adore it hon. Best one-shot of Billie ever. : )

Oh my god post more man that was truly amazing.

Sorry I took so long to read this. My exams are finally finished so I'm catching up on all the stories I told myself I'd read before I have to go back to school next week :XD

But... ohjeez. I absolutely adore second person stories and I've never read a Green Day one, let alone a smut one quite like this. Your description was so simple yet I could almost feel Billie there. I adored the repetition of cat-green eyes, it makes him sound cute and seductive on the outside but a predator in reality. You're very good at characterisation, I could feel the confidence Billie has in real life shining out from every sentence. It's so obvious he's in control and he loves it, and Mike's kind of belittled by not being able to get what he wants.

It’s a dirty, teasing game, innocent and fragile one second and borderline illegal the next.I lloved this line and how you used it in the description of the story. The juxtaposition really works and highlights how Billie can switch just like that.

And I also like how it ended, too. You cut us off, teasing us just as Billie teased Mike, and it fit very well. I also happen to love one-liner endings.

I don't think anyone reading this wouldn't imagine themselves in Mike's position. And you've made me want to write a second-person smut now. :tehe: I'm sorry this review was so short, but anything I had to say was pretty much summed up by everyone else. I do love your stories, this was a brilliant piece, well done. :]

Story/Review Game

Billie Joe, with cat-green eyes, eyelids lowers, liner peeking seductively, inviting without a doubt Wow. What an opening
I don't usually read Greenday fics, but yours seems interesting. (:

But do not think for one second that you are in control, Mr. Dirnt. This line grabs my attention and I instantly want to know why he isn't in control. I love lines like that.

planting kisses like raindrops is just pure brilliance, tbh. It's a beautiful phrase.

The way you've written this is so clever. Billie Joe seems so dominant and in control. fights your lips open, exploring every wet crevice. is an excellent example of how in control Billie Joe is. :tehe: Your imagery and description amazes me.

I absolutely adore repitition, and I think you've pulled it off beautifully. Billie Joe, with cat-green eyes... just sticks out in a wonderful way. :cute:

made for love in Parisian rain How do you come up with these awesome phrases?! I want your brain ;;P

The detail you put into this is mindblowing. I love how it isn't over in a matter of seconds, it's been paragraphs since Billie Joe started taking off his shirt, but it doesn't drag on. If that makes sense? :shifty

It's a dirty, teasing game, innocent and fragile one second and borderline illegal the next. I love forbidden love, and this is a perfect example of it. I love how you've described it as a 'game'.

The ending is good. :tehe: I kind of expected Billie Joe to just leave him there, he seems like he would get off on that. his rainforest mouth is another one of your fabulous phrases.

For such a short piece, you crammed so much detail into it. (: I just read your AN, and I wouldn't have known it was your first try writing in second person. It was flawless. I'm definately reading some more of your stuff when I get the chance, you are such a talented writer. <3

Gorgeous.

I loved the second person. You pulled it off beautifully.

I saw the excerpt in the Pimping thread and I adore this line:

He brings his mouth, made for love in Parisian rain –oh, Paris je t’aime— to your temple, tickling your dirty blonde roots and smelling your shampoo.

I don't know why but it pulls in my artsy side. This is like an artsy film, not merely sexy. There is something innately elevated about the whole thing that I can't put my finger on.

Oh and this line:

pressing his rainforest mouth to yours once more.

There is so much colour in this story: particularly with green - implied or otherwise -and red. Like, Billie is green and Mike is red. I don't know where I am picking up on that but I can feel it. It's like...they are contrasting, sharp but meant to be together.

Wonderful.

(I know it's short. Sorry. I had to getthe ideas out my head.)

Okay, first of all - I apologise if my feedback sucks, I'm gonna review as I read :tehe:

First of all - hot pairing ~~

...planting kisses like raindrops from your temple to the edge of your jaw - I loved that line, its just so yet ~~ at the same time!

I like how it's speaking directly to Mike but also the reader, as I'm sure every Green Day fan who reads this will be thinking of Billie Joe ~~

Billie Joe, with cat-green eyes - I love the repetition of that line. I've always adored Billie Joe's eyes, and they've always stuck out to me - just like that repeated line.

It’s a dirty, teasing game, innocent and fragile one second and borderline illegal the next. - Love it. It shows the sense of 'forbidden love' and I'm glad you made it as a paragraph as it makes the line even more important.

I think this piece was written very well, and has made me wanna read some more ~~ I loved how there was no dialouge, and the shorter paragraphs and various sentence lengths made it more interesting to read. Keep up the good work!

Sorry this isn't very long :shifty

For Story Review Game
Ok for startes this may be basically a PWP but damn it's one of the best I've ever read. This type of comment would have been left regardless of the review game I'd have commented if I randomly found it. But that's kinda off topic.

I will admit that when you said it would be PWP in the summary it put me off for a second but the miniute I satrted reading my mind was totally changed. This was such a well written piece. I couldn't find anything wrong with it but then again grammer isn't a big deal when reading stories for me. It was dare I say perfect?

You have amazing talent as a writer and it really shows in this peice. Your use of descriptions is amazings. I can almost see what is happening and I rarely come across a piece that can do that.
Not when he places himself delicately on your lap, planting kisses like raindrops from your temple to the edge of your jaw. Nor when the tip of his tongue slides around your earlobe and sends a shiver through your whole body.
The language and description here is so so senuous.

I love the repitition of Billie Joe, with cat-green eyes used throughout the story. It really keeps the piece flowing unlike in other stories where the repitition disrupts the flow of the story.

I love the reference to the sherrif Billie. That made me laugh and the whle you have the right to remain silent fitted so well.

That's about it. Hope it was helpful and stuff. I look forward to reading more of your stuff and will read them. That was the mistake I made after reviewing Styrchine (sp?) not looking up more of your stuff

As said before,
HOT. :twitch:

Holy fuck me!
I was going to ask you if you still needed a beta but I was a little late.

I love you, but I need to go take a cold shower now.
~~

That was absolutely amazing. I loved it.