If You Seek Amy - Comments

Whoo.. This is amazing. I like how you told the story from so many different points of view, and that you found out more and more about the one girl from each of them.

I didn't really like where it ended, because you only really saw a small part of the reactions to her death, though. I think it would go a lot better if you fleshed out each character's thoughts and feelings, and if there was more of a story toward the end. It might have been better if you had kept going until everyone knew about Amy's death instead of just the one part saying she died, and the guy killing himself because of it.

Over all, though, I thought it was pretty good.

Hey, I like how you get a bunch of different people's points of view in there about her and they're all different. It's a different kind of story which is great too. I'll probably do your banner sometime this weekend if I find the time, I've got a lot of homework so I can't gaurantee it. Congrats again for winning!

Story Review Game

Summary:
It doesn't flow well. It also seems much too cliche which wouldn't grab a reader's attention at all. The second they see that first sentence they'll automatically think "read it" and move on.

Also, for your disclaimer you might want to put disclaimer in front of it.

Chapter one:
I think you would do much better with some imagery and personification. You're too blunt and just tell us exactly what he is doing. I think that maybe if you kind of abstracted it a bit it would flow better and feel better.

I'm not really digging the plotline, I've just seen it too many times to like it. Maybe if you changed it up a bit it would seem better. *shrug*

Hope this helps, sorry it's not so long.

I loved it. The ending, I must say, was the best. I love the changing points of view. You did amazing.

Moar please, thanks.

your story is pretty interesting.
keep up the updates !
i also like the title. :cute: