Necktie. - Comments

:cheese: That has got to be the most adorable-est thing I've ever read!!
It was so great I'm going to read it again.

I LOOOOVED THISSSS.

It was so FLUFF, and so ADORABLE, and so CUUUUTE. The way you write is really... like it really flows, it's so good. And it's fucking realistic, that's what makes it extra special. Gaaahsdi fhsuipdghasdikjg i can't even speak properly right naoooo. It was so cute, the way Kris was putting on his tie and they were just smiling the whole time and the innocence in this story was soo adorable and gah i wanna give you a review like libertine did but I just caaan't go through everything without going ''sdoi;fhsdagkjhsd'g'' really. It was so cute, such a good read, and soo adorable it made my heart explode. :cute:

This was basically... indescribable in the best way possible. I really can't think of any words that could top the review of the first commenter so I'll leave it at that.

I recall Mint telling me that you were younger than us by ... a year. So, considering your age, you really do write well. :cheese:

This was very cute, I can imagine it so clearly. This is the kind of story that leaves a smile on your face. :cute:

That was a horrible review, actually. Sorry. :/

^ :lmfao at Isa.

Wow, this is gorgeous, my deary.
I love the way you write; it flows so beautifully and you seriously write tremendously well for your age. Like, that kinda sounds a bit insulting... :shifty but you write with the sophistication of someone much much older. The dialogue is superb - their relationship seems so real and sweet. It's more friendship than romance but from the way you've written them, the reader can tell how much they do care for each other. It's subtle and well written, with the playful banter :tehe:

Both characters are likable and I really enjoyed it, which is perhaps the best thing I could say since I have such a short attention span and never read stories.

Well done, zero. You may have gotten me into a new fandom :XD

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Kraaaaaaaaaaadaaaaaaaaam.
I totally squee'd. I still have french hw to do, and I just spent all my free time finishing the second chapter of my own Kradam, but this contribution is made of monkeys and squees

Can I just say that I loved ^ that comment even though the author of that review is really inasane and bananas.

First, just to add to the length (as if this review needs it, I promised you I'll comment on every sentence :lmfao), I shall drag you down the memory lane because I can so totally see that happening in RL. Literally.

If I hadn't goosed you (unofficially, you said, 'cause I did it via YM), you wouldn't even have written this. :'D And if that idea never hit you when you were in the shower, this wouldn't have happened. And if you never took a bath yesterday, you wouldn't've gotten that idea in the first place.

:lmfao

:weird

Okay, okay.

I apologize if I seem harsh, man. I really don't mean to be. I'm just, for lack of better words, keeping it real.

So I think this is great. I love the words you used and I love how this started with a quote, because it grabs the attention of the reader and sets the mood for the rest of the story. Okay, so, first sentence down.

Adam reacted to this the same way as always.
Better not repeat "way" too soon. You coulda put "Adam reacted to this the way he usually did" or something. But y'know. That's just me. I know a thing or two about redundancy. :weird

He was in front of another mirror on top of a dresser that was inside their shared dressing room.
Okay, I love you, but the amount of prepositions (YOU DO REMEMBER WHAT THOSE ARE, RIGHT? BECAUSE I HAD TO GOOGLE IT TO MAKE SURE I SAID THE RIGHT THING.) on this sentence kind of made me go :cheese:. Not in the bad way, but not in the good way either. I think you described the scene excellently because you were so specific, and it gives the reader a really good image of what's happening, of where Adam is. But at the same time, it's hard to read because, well, it doesn't feel disconnected exactly, but it feels like a lot of things strung together, y'know? And not exactly smoothly.

He rolled his eyes at Kris’s statement, slipping a tie around his neck.
Not too fond of "statement", because I can totally imagine you say that IRL wearing a business coat and everything (that, and you can think of a better word that'll fit the tone of this story), but I love "slipping a tie around his neck". The word "slipping" makes it sound fluid. I absolutely love it.

“You know, I wish you’d stop saying that,” Adam said pointedly as Kris stepped out of the bathroom to meet the taller man’s annoyed stare with his determined one.
I can imagine this bit really well. I can imagine Adam looking at himself in the mirror, fixing his hair or some shit, and Kris closing the door behind him, causing Adam to turn around and look at him. You didn't say any of that, but that's what I pictured in my head.

Adam turned away from him, facing back to the mirror, his fingers fiddling with the piece of silk cloth that went under and around the collar of his shirt.
"Facing back to the mirror" could do without "back to". Just "facing the mirror". But this works too. I love that you used "fiddling". And it took me a while to realize "piece of silk cloth" meant the tie because slow Mint is slow.

“You know, I wish you’d stop denying it,” the younger man retorted in a mocking voice.
I love how they repeat "you know, I wish". It's like our "it's like you..." and "that sounds like" thing. And it's really sweet. Clever banter.

He reached up to get a belt from one of the hooks on top of the dresser. Looking down, he lifted his red shirt slightly so he could slip the belt inside the holes on the sides of his pants.
Just so you know, I enjoyed picturing this scene. :weird And there that word is again! Slip! I loooove that word.

The movement made Adam’s eyes tear away from his task and to the skin that was revealed, but only for a second.
Adam's task of tying the tie? ... Did I spell that right? Tying?
"Skin that was revealed" could be rephrased. But you know. That's just me. You're the better writer between us so I don't think you should be listening to me. :XD
I like how you used "tear". It shows that he didn't really mean to, maybe it was just an accident, but by looking at Kris's skin, you can totally tell he enjoyed it. :weird And I love how you added "only for a second". Like, Adam didn't dwell on it or anything, he didn't stare. It shows it was quick, that is was abrupt, sort of.

He followed through with a small chuckle. “Sure,” he simply said in his non-committal voice that said, I’m not going to say it, but you know I’m thinking it.
Kinda scares me how true that is, because that last bit just made me realize that Kris does somehow sound like he won't say it, but he's thinking it. You mindreader you. :glare: I DONT EVEN KNOW IF THAT SMILEY WORKS HERE K.

It was Kris’s turn to roll his eyes, so he did.
I love this. I'm a huge sucker for the whole "it was the pull of gravity, but not exactly fate" thing. I love that somehow that's just the way it has to be. And you pulled that off very well here.

He tightened his belt and went over to Adam, tapping his shoulder so he would turn around to face him. He gave Adam a knowing look before batting the older man’s hands away from the tie.
This is your strength. Actions. You can describe actions really well. You can describe them in such a way that it isn't hard to imagine. You don't have to strain to picture it. It just flows so well and it's so easy to read and it's fun to imagine. I can totally see this happening. I really 100% can.

“I will throw a party when you finally learn how to do this properly,” he grumbled, which Adam laughed at.
:weird THAT LINE SOUNDS FAMILIAR. :weird

Adam’s spent countless of hours in front of a computer with a YouTube video on it about putting on a necktie, but he never really got the hang of it. Since the aid of a computer was non-existent at the moment, he had to turn to Kris.
Your brilliance, where do you get it? The Adam Lambert learning (... or not) how to tie a tie (redundant mint is redundant) from YouTube. "The aid of a computer was non-existent atm" could be "the aid of a computer wasn't possible at the moment." And I love the "he had to turn to Kris" bit. :cute:

“You know, I wish you’d just teach me how to that,” he muttered under his breath, Adam’s eyes going from Kris’s hands to his face that was distorted in concentration.
I love this, but you could find another word for "going", because that seems a little too simple for this. A little too plain. But I love how Adam was watching Kris. It so cute I want to squish my laptop. Now, you could find another word for "distorted", too, because – I don't know if it's the same for other people, but this applies to me – it gives me the mental image of Kris looking abnormal. And concentration hardly ever makes anyone look abnormal. omgno:

As Kris fixed his tie, Adam went on to rolling his sleeves up to his elbows.

“You know, I wish you’d just learn it yourself,” Kris answered, finishing it off by putting it too tight around Adam’s neck, stopping his breath for a second.
Ugh, the way you describe actions. I envy you.

“You can, you just have to put your mind to it. And practice. I’m a bad teacher,” he added.
I love how Kris is acting like learning how to tie a tie (who invented ties anyway and why did they have to name it 'tie'? T____T) is a huge deal. It totally shows how adorable Kris is.

He stepped back for a second to look over the older man’s attire. He quirked his eyebrow and shrugged, nodding a bit.
"Look at" could be better maybe? And UGH YOUR TALENT OF DESCRIBING THE THINGS THEY DO! I WANT TO HIT YOU! I can SERIOUSLY see Kris doing that.

Adam, though, smiled brightly at him. “You look really nice,” he told him honestly.
Oh, Adam, I bet he does.

“Very funny, Adam,” the younger man answered, turning away with a dry laugh. He walked over to the table to check on his phone, but he was smiling. Smiling at the fact that Adam thought that he looked really nice. “We should get a move on.”
AWWWWW. This is so grade school, and I don't mean that in a bad way. Like how when someone flirts with you and you just smile shyly and look at the opposite direction. It's innocent and it's cute and it's pure. And you didn't describe the way Kris smiled, but I got the image that it was a small, shy smile that meant a lot more than it showed. Just. Beautiful.

Adam, on the other hand, never stopped smiling. “Okay,” he agreed before walking over to the door. He twisted the knob and pushed the door wide open. “Lead the way, Mr. Allen,” he said.
Oh, Adam, true to your character. This was excellent. I could imagine it really well. But y'know. You're good with this thing, so.

As Kris turned to look at Adam, he let his face drop to a serious face.
Redundancy. :hand:

“You shut your mouth,” he answered, walking to the older man. When Kris got to him, he took his wrist before pulling him out of the room.
Are your manners so bad that they spill onto your characters?! omgno: Kidding, Zero ily. It's the kind of thing Kris would say. He called G(tf)okey a jerk on national television so.
(But seriously, Zero, your social graces and etiquette class...)

“You’ll do great,” Adam whispered to him, leaning closer to him as they walked down the hallway.
This was so sweet, so tender. It's one of those scenes where there's actually a lot more going on than you think. I don't know if that was your intention, but I loved the way you wrote it.

Kris gave him a frustrated groan, “Shut up, Adam.”
Just the thing to bring the story back to its roots. The banter, the not-really fighting. It's a great balance, and it's not at all abrupt and the flow isn't interrupted because the previous paragraph was Adam going "you'll do great" in the sweetest way ever. I don't know how you can switch tones so easily and so effectively, but you can and it's incredible.

“You know, I wish you’d stop denying it.” They both stopped walking, Adam placed both his hands on Kris’s shoulder, looking him in the eyes.
I don't know what to say besides "god the way you describe actions!" and "". So. God, the way you describe actions!

He didn’t say anything, but Adam gave him a wink before pulling away, taking his spot next to Matt.
Winking Adam. :tehe: "Taking his spot" doesn't sound right, tbh. But I'm not sure. You know better than me with wording, since you knew it was tub of ice cream and not carton of ice cream so don't listen to me.

Kris was still looking at Adam, or maybe staring.
I love this. I love the "or maybe staring" bit, because it doesn't give the impression that you, as the writer, don't know what's going on, it's just that you let Kris, your character, weave his own story here. You let him do his on thing and that made his character a lot more realistic.

He still had that stupid look on his face that said that told Adam that he should shut his face, but he was smiling.
"Shut his mouth", I think, would work better because you used the word "face" in the same sentence already. I absolutely love "but he was smiling". It takes you back to that scene just earlier on where Kris was smiling because Adam had said he looked really good. I love those kinds of endings, the ones that take you back to something significant that happened without it sounding forced, or without it sounding repeated. Just. That was a brilliant way to end this.

M'done. :con:

You did a great job, Zero, I'm glad I goosed you into this. I hope this review was worth you getting stuck though.

I LOVE YOU.
And it means a lot that you ded'd this to me.
:arms:arms:

You have a ridiculous amount of talent for writing for a thirteen-year-old, by the way.

Just. Incredible. I'll recc this when my fingers don't feel like falling off. :arms:arms: