I know that your first choice would have been The Vampician, but this one...was the right choice for me. I'm so glad I read this one.
So the opening was good, it was interesting and made me read more.
This colourful room of pre-school joy is when little Emily Scott’s bliss little life ends. I pretty sure that it should be blissful instead of bliss. I could be wrong, but I do think that is what it should be.
Emily is standing with her paintbrush poised over the blue paint in the pallet. The paintbrush stops moving the moment sound comes out of the other girl’s mouth. Emily’s little body has frozen. Beautiful. Beautiful. I loves it!! I think the way you used poised just...did it.
This is the moment when she gets a strange feeling. Not a good one; a bad one. In later years she’ll come to know it as loneliness, but right now Emily doesn’t have a word for it. So..sad. I loved this part, I really, really did. I feel such sympathy for her. :(
Now for my favorite, absolute favorite part of this story.
This time, she doesn’t want to cry because she’s scared, but because she’s sad. She can’t make the sadness go away like she can make the scaredness go away so she can’t stop the silent tears from sliding down her face. She isn’t even quite sure why she’s sad, why she’s crying, and that doesn’t help her be able to make herself stop. This entire paragraph... I just wanted to cry for this girl. Everything in this paragraph(I couldn't very well copy all of it!) was...amazing. Flippin' amazing. Just...damn, the way you worded this. I felt it, you know? This paragraph, totally hooked me in for a long hole.
So basically? I love your story. Love it, for realz. It evoked a sad emotion in me, you know. And I just...I love stories that can do that, that can make me feel something. I really, really wish you would continue this. I'm subscribing for that chance that you might. Thanks for posting this, I heart it.
So the opening was good, it was interesting and made me read more.
This colourful room of pre-school joy is when little Emily Scott’s bliss little life ends.
I pretty sure that it should be blissful instead of bliss. I could be wrong, but I do think that is what it should be.
Emily is standing with her paintbrush poised over the blue paint in the pallet. The paintbrush stops moving the moment sound comes out of the other girl’s mouth. Emily’s little body has frozen.
Beautiful. Beautiful. I loves it!! I think the way you used poised just...did it.
This is the moment when she gets a strange feeling. Not a good one; a bad one. In later years she’ll come to know it as loneliness, but right now Emily doesn’t have a word for it.
Now for my favorite, absolute favorite part of this story.
This time, she doesn’t want to cry because she’s scared, but because she’s sad. She can’t make the sadness go away like she can make the scaredness go away so she can’t stop the silent tears from sliding down her face. She isn’t even quite sure why she’s sad, why she’s crying, and that doesn’t help her be able to make herself stop.
This entire paragraph...
So basically? I love your story. Love it, for realz. It evoked a sad emotion in me, you know. And I just...I love stories that can do that, that can make me feel something. I really, really wish you would continue this. I'm subscribing for that chance that you might. Thanks for posting this, I heart it.