Untitled - Comments

thanks. XD

i'm not sure whether to continue it or not, though.

omg i love it so far i cant wait to see where it leads

omg i love it so far i cant wait to see where it leads

Awesome! Thanks.. I didn't really like it when i was writing it, but i decided to post it just to see what was wrong with it..

I really appreciate it.
and I can't wait for my other story's concrit. :D

Okay, here comes brutal honesty. (I'm still working on your other story, btw.)

Uhm. Okay. These kind of fanfictions get boring after a while. It's just, girl gets call from radio station, girl gets to meet Tokio Hotel, girl bumps into Bill Kaulitz and 'omg i bumpt in2 Bill n it wuz luv instntly'. That's the vibe it gives off. I know that my boss wouldn't give me the day off just because I won a radio contest. And my coworkers would definitely not give me a thousand-dollar camera just because I won a contest.

The problem with this is that:

1. it's not original. You need to think up a different plotline, something that no one else uses. It takes a little while, but you can think of something eventually that will grab your readers' interests.
2. it's not real. It isn't believable. You have to remember to keep the situations real and like they could actually happen. I mean, yes, you could win a contest and then bump into Bill, but it's probably not going to happen. And it's been overdone way too many times.
3. your character is too one-dimensional, which means she doesn't have much of a personality. She's too...fake, you could say. Try basing her on one of your family members or on yourself. Right now she reminds me of a robot. You didn't even take time to describe her and her looks.
4. the title is cliche. It sounds kind of stupid, to be honest. And wayyy too 'omg so kewt'. Try thinking up an original title instead of just putting Bill's name into the lyrics of one of his own songs.

So there's my two cents.