Um. Greatness?
August 25th, 2009 at 12:02am
Just Hurt Me in Every Way You Can - Comments
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its sad but.. i like it keep it up more chaptersAugust 17th, 2009 at 02:43pm
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*sigh* frank needs some fucking self esteem. it's depressing. keep writingJuly 26th, 2009 at 09:06pm
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Run away Frank!!July 19th, 2009 at 01:42am
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I hate Jared and I feel like crying for Frank..
This story's really nice.. =].. keep updating.. =]July 12th, 2009 at 08:36am -
you know it's gerard...right?- lollipop102:
- is he going to buy the beer or while hes at the store meet gerald
but the actual chapter was great. so yeah. goodness. :)July 8th, 2009 at 04:51pm -
is he going to buy the beer or while hes at the store meet geraldJuly 8th, 2009 at 03:28pm
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this is really good. and you're doing fine with grammar and what not. keep writing yeah?July 1st, 2009 at 08:39pm
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Wow, you’ve really improved since the last chapter; Frank’s thoughts are even more twisted than Gerard’s actions. (If it really is Gerard.) What’s interesting is that he still cares for himself; don't want to risk breaking myself but still degrades himself as a pitiful creature. The hate he has for himself seems to stem from the fact he doesn’t feel good enough for Gerard. That’s really what makes the entire story so intensely sad and so fascinating, with such few words you’ve not only described his pain, what he’s going through etc, but his genuine love for Gerard. Can’t wait to find out how you carry on, keep it up! :cute:
p.s. I still found it amusing that Gerard had a ‘masculine’ torso, it’s so far from the truth, bless him.June 27th, 2009 at 09:40pm -
I LOVE IT MORE PLEASE?June 22nd, 2009 at 09:37pm
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I Love This Story I think its AwesomeJune 22nd, 2009 at 01:37am
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This is amazing, please write more as soon as you can! Yes there were some grammer errors, but still very good!June 18th, 2009 at 11:40pm
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amaizing! more please?June 16th, 2009 at 10:28pm
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great great great i looooooovvvvvvvvveeeeeeed it! the background totally fits for this story. keep writing and great job once more!June 16th, 2009 at 04:24am
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Hey, I told you I'd read it, and I have to say considering English isn't your first language you write pretty well. There were a few typos and grammatical errors throughout but nothing to major. I also agree with newjerseyatemywallet, the picture in the layout really fits the tone of your story so far which is always good :XD.
Hmm, I don't really know what else to say other than I'm looking forward to the next chapter I'd like to see where you're going to take it. I think it's interesting that you never mentioned the name of Frank's abuser, so the reader assumes it's Gerard but yeah i don't know if that's intentional or not but it's effective.
Another thing I quite liked was the way how Frank's abuser calls him Frankie, which creates a nice juxtaposition seeing as that's a pet name. Yeah, i guess my only suggestion would be to take things slowly and not get too consumed by the action of the story, try to explore feelings realistically, to make the story even more effective.
Good Job once again.
:XDJune 15th, 2009 at 11:18pm -
This is pretty good so far.
I feel bad for Frank thoughJune 15th, 2009 at 08:56pm -
First of all I’d like to say the layout is beautiful, from what I can tell it will really work for your story. You need to alter it a bit though as some of the text, that’s over the picture is hard to read.
Only mistakes I noticed; venomously spat. should be spit. Your face lights op in a terrifying typo, should be up. Oh and occasionally a few times you’ve forgot to capitalize when you use speech marks e.g. should be “Ha” rather than “ha” :cute: Other than that this story really has potential. It’s intriguing, and it would be great to have another frerard author in our ranks! I’d suggest a beta, someone who can check, over your work before you post it; I don’t know what I’d do without one! It also helps for your confidence, if you’re not so sure about posting a story. Good luck in your writing!June 14th, 2009 at 11:13pm
