4:37 AM - Comments

I liked it and I liked the ending, you always know how to do like perfect endings(:<3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALISON!! I LOVE YOU LOTSIES!!

Aww, that was really cute and lovely.

I really liked this, it was very well written and I really loved the way you portrayed the relationship between Mike and Billie, but also Mike and Brittney.
I like how you show them to have this really close relationship and like they'd pretty much do anything for each other, which is nice.

I've never read a Green Day fic before, and I dont really know much about them (other than their music) but it didn't matter as I didn't need to know much about them to enjoy the story.

I really liked the ending, how they were just finally being able to go to bed and then Brixton wakes up. Sod's law!

Hehe. That was cute. It was...it was less about Billie and Adrienne and more about Billie and Mike. More about sleep. Their human side.

The ending really made it about their human side. You emphasize the tiredness of all the characters, that everything's happening in the dark (literally and figuratively). I'm glad you subvert a few cliches.

Some things I thought you could have omitted were:

1.Mike showing Billie the bathroom and explaining the towel and "You can borrow my clothes". All those things seem like a given. You make it clear that Billie and Mike are close and with such a relationship, I'm sure they'd be more than familiar with each other's houses.

2. "You know who I am right?". I thought that was...well tbh, it sounded sorta dumb. It didn't sound like Billie, and especially unlike the character you've presented. It would have been more natural to have something like He checked his pocket to make sure his wallet was in there before nodding. "Maybe I'll catch the bus," But that's just me.

And I wish you hadn't written "80". "Adie" looks so much better in print. 80 looks stupid unless you're actually quoting the song. >.<

But overall, it was cute and nice and I liked it. ^_^

Oneshot for Oneshot.

I didn't notice any typo's and grammar, etc seemed perfect.

It was an original idea and I could tell from the length and how you projected the emotions that you enjoyed writing it as much as I did reading.

The reason that Billie was there was so simple and normal that most can relate to it. Who hasn't been so preoccupied with something else that they forgot about important things? They words that described how he looked told us how he felt without his POV and not many can accomplish that.

You didn't do the flashback! I've seen a lot of people make that mistake in writing and it always annoys me. Why would Mike have a flashback of Billie's memories? It's a common mistake and I was ecstatic to see that you didn't.

I enjoyed this immensely and would not hesitate to read more by you. Maybe you could write a oneshot of the arguement?

One Shot for One Shot:

I thought the relationship between Billie and Mike was sweet; you can tell that they have a really strong friendship from their interaction. And I liked Brittney’s involvement in the piece too, that she wasn’t just in the background or anything like that.

Though given that 4:37 was the time that Mike was woken up, it’d made more sense to me for the story to be titled that, rather than 4:00 AM. It gives the time more significance as that’s the exact time Billie arrives and the story really begins.

Who in the world would come visit him this early? he asked himself as he blinked his eyes, trying to wake himself up properly. This part seemed a bit too formal for me. I would expect him to think a little less coherently if he’s just woken up, but that’s me being really nitpicky. XD

“She said that I care more about the music that I do her and the kids,” Billie mumbled into his arms. Just a small typo.

He grabbed a fistful of Mikes t-shirt. There needs to be an apostrophe after the ‘e’ in ‘Mike.’

How in the wo-orld did you get here any-anyway?” Brittney asked, yawning in the middle of world and anyway. The last part of this sentence isn’t really needed. Just from the way the words in the dialogue are written and the mention of yawning, it’s clear enough. So it could be: Brittney asked, yawning as she spoke or something similar. Just a suggestion.

I like the dialogue though. It reads very naturally and helps the story develop. There could be a bit more description to help convey the emotions, but that may just be a personal thing. I liked the story line. It's realistic that a celeb's relationship with their partner would sometimes feel strain from busy schedules.