Ain't Life Just Wonderful? - Comments

Now that makes sense.
Your writing has changed amazingly since the start!
That ending was incredibly powerful, compared to the easy-going half-diary style of the first few entries.
Well done!

i like the ending :)

I'm SOOOOOOO confused.

I found it. The story were the person dies! :)

I like it. Very personal. The main character feels very real.

Perfectly clear. :cute:
It might be nice to see a little bit of action though - so far it's only been her thoughts.
Good thoughts, but they can get a little dry after a while.

Eee, I like Ryan. He seems nice.
And they had the conversation... I love those.
Where you just never stop talking...
They're cool.

libraries do have odd hours!

I'd kinda forgotten it started off more non-fiction.

Ooo, another person.

Neatos.
Like cheetos, but in writing.

Aw, that was mega-cute. :cute:

I'm here!!!!!! :crazy:
Ok.... Phew. *breathes*

Chapter 1:
Good, may want to space paragraphs, but lovely introduction to character, and you've just about nailed the flow-of-consciousness thing. Personally, I'd skip the Twilight references, and substitute something a bit more classical... like... oo, I can't think of anything now...

Chapter 2:
Rather confusing beginning. The first part feels as if I'm reading your notes as an author, and not a story. Second part is nice, and it's obvious who's viewpoint it's in - good idea to have no introduction - or at least, whose viewpoint you assume it's in. Third part also nice - I like the bittiness, keep that going.

Chapter 3:
If you're gonna space, then double-space. And don't apologize for the shortness because it works. You get a real sense of her character.

Chapter 4:
Nice again. It flows, it works. Don't worry too much about building other characters, just go with her voice and I'm sure she'll introduce them herself.

Okay, general notes:
Stick to the namelessness - it adds a bit of mystery, makes her more personal to the reader, etc.
Stick to the same type of narration as well - if you swap to dialogue make it from memory and not as if it was happening in the now, because that'll ruin the idea of being in these characters heads.

Overall, I really like you narration and it seems like a great basis. Keep it going! :cute: