You See Me Through Kaleidoscope Eyes - Comments

but I felt safe, in the chaos and turmoil of my own thoughts. - I don't even know why I do this, but I have a tendency to point things out which are read the way they've been written - but then make me go back and re-read the sentence to see if it can be read other ways. And for this, I read it the way it was written, and then I read it without the pause - and I'm not too sure which one I should go for. :/ This might seem totally pointless, a paragraph to pause - or not to pause. Anywho, I think I'll just leave this here...and say that it works either way...and that this is just me thinking about a pause in your writing. I'm paying attention. :) Oh, wait...no I know now. I think I may have mentioned it because there was a pause before it, and it kind of felt like there were too many pauses (much like this comment uses the word 'pause' too much) and that it might flow easier without that second one. But hey, I guess it's how you really read it. :)

But I’m a writer, not a time machine. - This is just out of the blue, but I like how on a base level this means one thing...obviously the fact he's a writer. But if you think about, it makes you smile in a oh-this-has-potential kind of way. Which is funny. Because...if you think about it, a writer can be a time machine/traveler. Writers can go back and alter words and sentences and events - with a pen/pencil/eraser. So there's this other dimension to that sentence which I really like - and somewhat contradicts what he's thinking, but in other instances not so much. :)

You see something amazing in me and I just wish I could see me the way you do. - I also like this line, and the idea behind it. :) The emotion stemming from it is great. :)

And am I going to die alone in the middle of the ocean? - I have this huge thing about the ocean and the water and Edmund Spenser...so that whenever I read anything that says something about the ocean, I think of eternity, and the waters power and all that jazz. And this reminds me of that, because while you've written And am I going to die alone, the latter part of the sentence has this reinforcement of being insignificant in the world - in the forces of nature kind of thing. Like the ocean represents an eternity, and he's just a mere aspect of one particular space and time.

at picture - s :)

So...aside from a long winded spiel about whether or not to use a comma, I think this is a lovely piece. I like how it's seemingly all stemmed from some lack of appreciation, or recognition even. Or, I may have missed the point completely, but I just like that there's this sadness, and at the end a hint of frustration for the tears that won't come. Also, what I like is that he's just looking at pictures on his laptop and the notebook beside him, and that nothing else needs to be there, and nothing else needs to happen but a bunch of thoughts. :) It's a neat piece. :)

It's brilliant :D
I lovelovelove this.
I don't have anything else to say.
Besides 'love' or 'amazing'.
Because it's true!
And I suck at complimenting D:

Dang, I feel like I should really try to get into Ryan's head now. Actually, I kinda feel like I've already been. This is very well-written, and there are some seriously great lines in there. ["I'm a parasite to my own brain" I mean come on, a small piece of me just died of major idea envy!] I like short stories or one-shots that really take my brain places and/or make me think, and yours has.

I also found the description of the sharpie tattoos funny because I could personally identify with it. You have put perfectly into words why I haven't got a real tattoo yet and probably never will. [the needles is what I usually say to people, and there is some truth in that, but more than anything it is the commitment! I'd never been clever enough to put it into those terms, but now I can, so thanks for that.]

...So, in short, I really like your story. :)

Hi! So, I've been told that you're something of a great writer. I figured I'd read and review just to see what all the fuss was about.

First things first- there were several grammatical errors in the story. Mainly, they're just run-on sentences that a lot of amateur writers don't catch. :) Mainly, it's just comma misuse:

I wasn’t okay, but I felt safe, in the chaos and turmoil of my own thoughts.

There doesn't need to be a comma between 'safe' and 'in.'

There were also a couple of wrong words used:

So I just smile and laugh and it’s force and horrible and I look at the pictures of myself from parties and nights out and I can’t hardly recognize myself.

I'm assuming it should be like this:

So I just smile and laugh, and it’s forced and horrible, and I look at the pictures of myself from parties and nights out, and I can’t hardly recognize myself.

I'm also not thrilled with how it just all runs together. Maybe make it into a few sentences? You can still achieve the same type of flow while using correct grammar. :)

Outside of that, I thought the story was pretty good. Well, it's not much of a story as it is a fictional rant, but it's still interesting. I like the point of view, and I really do like how some things are described.

I particularly like the ending with his thought of burning down the apartment. I think that makes the character more real. I mean, a lot of humans think that the best way to get out of something is by doing something irrational (and some do do that! XD).

I'm really not sure how I feel about the whole concept with 'kaleidescope eyes,' though. I love The Beatles, so I tend to automatically think of someone on a bad LSD trip since The Beatles were the ones to use such a metaphor. I just don't see how it actually fits into this story. It's seems like everyone sees him as this one-dimensional person, and he complains about that. But, to me, seeing someone through kaleidescope eyes would imply that they see a lot of different aspects to him.

I suppose that I could just be reading into it too much.

Anyway. Good story. :)

Your totaly amazing,inspiration at it's best dude,for real,love your writing><

I love how you just crawled inside his mind. You made me really feel like I knew his outlook on how is work is percieved. Some perticularly interesting parts:

Do they make sense to you? Do you understand them? Half the time they don’t make sense to me. Sometimes I look through my journals and wonder who wrote those lines. Was it me, really? It seems like a stranger’s hand. What was I think when I wrote that? Where was I? Who was I?

Every writer has been there. Coming from "him" though just feels more real because he's wondering if like he's missing something when other's get it but he doesn't.

Or do you hear what you need to hear in order to be able to cope with your own life? I don’t mind. If it helps you, that’s great. I’m just jealous, I suppose.

Awesome. Again there's a feeling of misunderstanding. Why does everyone get it but me? I mean, I wrote it? I can just see him looking tired and out of touch and trying to get his feelings out about it. It is written just like it would be said. It loops and rambles, but that's exactly how it would sound. The way it does, though, is almost arrogant. I don't know how to say it. It's like every line is more profound than the prior which makes it feel like he's gaining on himself and escalading each emotion. He also figures a couple ideas out like I'm a parasite to my own brain. That profound self-discovery in the wave of confusion gives it a slight arrogance which, again, makes it seem more like spoken rambling. Natural.

So I just smile and laugh and it’s force and horrible and I look at the pictures of myself from parties and nights out and I can’t hardly recognize myself.

Love it. I've recently just been so... torn about my love/hate relationship with Ryan/his lifestyle. This whole thing just explains it in a way that makes me want to sympathize but I'm not too quick to remember it's not him on the other end. That's a sign that it's very well written.

I’m just some guy who writes words. And you love them, sometimes, and you want to spray paint them on your walls or write them on your skin with permanent marker since you aren’t old enough for tattoos. Or maybe you’re scared of needles. Or commitment. I can’t say I blame you.

Perfection. Really.

The whole last three or four paragraphs are the best though. It's like he's just hammering down on himself for the whole thing until he's just done with it.

The little smatterings of Brendon's presence was bittersweet and necessary to the progression of emotions. From confusion to figuring it out a tad to nostalgia to a little angry to understated sarcasm to regret to just like "fuck my life."

In my mind, I wish that this could be what he really feels and what's really going on in there. I think it defines how alot of people see him. Now I'm blabbering.

Awesome piece. Please right more! I'm having a dru withdrawl.

This is... amazing.
I adore your writing, Dru.
It's so fluent, so interesting.

New story.
Ryan character fiction.
934 words.

Happy [?] reading!

xoxox
-Dru