The Crossroads of Dead Ends - Comments

  • MaryJulianna

    MaryJulianna (100)

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    Wow. I have to say this first: I think you're probably one of my favourite authors on this site as of now.

    I read one story, and then decided to read another; I've about 5 of yours quickly. Your writing is additive, imaginative, filled with emotion, and sends the reader into the story as if the reader if being written to, or is a character in the story- you don't just gives us a story, you let us live it.

    ___

    Anyways on with this...

    I love these little details that add that extra quirkiness or life-like style: Your bed is squeaky and old. It reminds me of Mother’s bed before she moved out. But all of it is just enriched with details that aren't just details: it's the emotion of the story, the thing that adds power to it.

    It seems almost a bit all over the place, but because of this it gives the feeling of slightly lost, and in need of "you" And of course that last line gives a clear statement that the author is missing someone dearly- a piece of them self. When are you coming home? I feel like a toddler trapped inside a public restroom without you sitting on the side of the bed with your hand on my shoulder reminding me to forget about the way the air sighs

    Oh lord, I think your writing has made me a bit flustered: it's beautiful. In Love

    I find it's not directed in anyway, but it's very pointed to feelings. I've a feeling some people may say something about perhaps you should build upon your writing and create it fuller with meaner and clearer... But this too me is a bit refreshing, it lets you embrace the pure feelings of the character rather than what exactly the story is, and live whats going on inside their head and their surroundings.

    I mentioned a lot about the emotion in this, but your little descriptions throughout gave me a perfect picture, The windows are all open and the curtains blow out towards the center of the room and The air is moist like it might storm<-- something about those two lines blows me away, I love the simple description they are, it sets the mood and imagine perfect for me.

    Your room smells like cheap scotch and some girl’s old perfume.
    This is my favourite line in the whole piece. Lovely.

    I've nothing bad to say about this. It's simply stunning. Clap
    July 5th, 2009 at 07:54am