Virgin Lips - Comments

Tay awesome as always, love you writing style and the ending was awesome. Love it.

i loved that chapter, it was so passionate x
will there be anymore soon? xx

Tay! Tay! Credit me!

Oooh. I lovies it.
You're a really good writer.
Cept there was a fair few small mistakes but I'm not gonna go through and find then coz that would be boring and irritating for you.

xoxox

Absolutely amazing!!

I don't know why I bother to comment if I have no con. criticism. If all I can do is praise the perfection of your prose. And yet, it seems just as injust to not comment at all.
So a positive, if not very helpful, perhaps, comment.

Unique, raging, passionate, the emotions and thoughts of Ryan control the scenes, his confusion or his anger dying the phrases with their colour - whatever colour he's feeling. Frustration. Shock. Like a direct link between his mind and ours, the readers - the emotion is ours, too.

Like the pain at the names and the laughter. How that hurts. Who couldn't relate on any level to that - so we empathise.
And then the pain at the betrayal, and the anger. The pain he inflicts on himself. Who can't imagine that - I think everyone has done something similar in their life to starting fights with walls.

And then the twist - it's true, most Ryden fics have Ryan as the constantly oppressed, passive, weaker character. It's refreshing to have him take charge of the situation - show Brendon how it feels to be manipulated, to have someone be cold and distant. To feel unloved. To feel alone while being intimate with someone.

Personally, my favourite part was beyond a line, it was the effect produced by the italicised text, especially at the end, where you put the three lines together.
Marvellous.

woah!
fuck fuck fuck
thats woah! awesome
seriously through every story i have ever read
every detail ive ever seen this is by far the best
the way it makes your emotions turn from happy to confused to sad to content again is woah! it happens by the click of a finger.
you really do need to continue on this cause im subscribing and everything fuck this is excellent your a really awesome writer please dont stop the way everything is perfectly described and portrayed is....there really is no words for it. The way you can get inside the characters head wow!
and i know this seems a bit over done but i really dont care
this is seriously how much i love the story and i have only read the first chapter! please dont stop writing this is fucking amazing!

Wow... That was really amazing
The emotions were described perfectly, and I thought the ending was incredibly powerful.
It was just wonderful, your an amazing writer.
It also differed from a lot of Rydens where Brendon takes charge, and I LOVED it

awesome stuff! really really good :P

i agree with shalisa , tay . O,O

you blew me away . -fixes hair-

and ry-ry in controL ! whootage for that !

Tay, wow. Srsly. This was incredible, you know? I always knew you could write, but, “Virgin Lip’s” exceeded my expectations…

I felt used, I felt broken, I felt dirty. Why did I ever think that he'd love me? The worthless whore he would kiss and grope. That's all I ever was, it's all I'll ever be. I felt the anger boil inside of my stomach as I clenched my fists, fingernails digging into my palms
– My eyes were burning after I read this, I felt so sad for Ry, you portrayed his emotions perfectly. Its scary that you can get into his mind like that…

I still smile like an idiot when I see him at break, laughing and joking with his friends.
– I do that with Emma :tehe:…

Brendon's now chapped lips quivvered as I let him loose, "Come back when you sort out your screwed up mind, ok?" With that I turned on my heel and left him standing limp against the bloodstained tree.
– Your ending blew me away; it was so powerful. I loved how Ry had the final say, how he finally was able to say no. I stil feel sad for Bren though – Damn him for being sexy

ILY ♥