Awesome story just finished it now moving on to sequel
March 16th, 2010 at 01:46am
I must say, the begging for comments at the end of every chapter was getting insulting... "Silent readers suck" "u guys faillll" etc etc etc.. Have you heard the saying "if you've got nothing nice to say then say nothing at all"? Maybe thats why you weren't getting lots of comments?
Anyhow since you desperately wanted comments.. I'll give u one... when writing about an american band, and creating a backing cast of american characters, you should look into american slang. Your entire story was based on british slang, and I understand that that is your dialect which is fine, however for the sake of the story and the fact that Juliana is a childhood friend of the jonas family it would be a requirement to use the american dialect in your writing. Otherwise, you would have had to rewrite the story to explain WHY it is Juliana (an american) is constantly speaking like a Brit...maybe she spent some time overseas studying? I dunno.
The fact of the matter is, american's do not refer to one another as chicken, nor they refer to "getting picked up" as "pulled." In the future, when writing you may want to look into that.
Furthermore, the relationship and friendship with Beyonce and JayZ is highly unbelievable. This is due to the fact that there is a 10 year age gap between Beyonce and Juliana, as well as the fact that the two run in completely different music circles. While they could have had a chance meeting at the lakers game, I find it doubtful that Beyonce would hand her number over to a Disney stars girlfriend... just like that... especially considering the disney star's girlfriend came off sounding like a teenybopper fan. I realize that in the story you mentioned that Juliana had a youtube channel and it was watched however you did not portray her as a Youtube sensation, an internet celebrity in her own right, thus Beyonce having watched her is a little bit far fetched; therefore that side storyline needs plenty of improvement and development to be more believable.
However I did enjoy your outfit choices. If the writing thing fails, look into styling.
