I'm Usually Rational. - Comments

That's different. I like that. Wow.

That was an amazing one-shot! Wow! I really loved it! It's suspense, it's unpredictability. Wow! And the descriptions you used and the way you wrote it. It simply flows. And really captured my attention from the start. Loved it!

I'm amazed at how quickly you got this done!
Anyway, I really, really, really liked it.

At the start, I love how you wrote him speaking like it was the perfect house and then him saying “I wish we had never acquired it.” That struck me as soon as I began reading and made me want to read on and find out why it was such a bad place to live.

“I'll try to get him to leave the house, but he'll just say that if he leaves, there will be no one to protect us.
He never tells me from what.
He never tells me when his old self will return.
He never tells me anything like he used to.”
I really like how you used repetition here to emphasize that Gerard has just closed himself off from Mikey. That was my second favourite part of the story.

Now the best bit: The ending.
Personally, I hadn’t expected that to happen at all, and I really like it when stories are unpredictable. I also love how you changed the POV several times so that the reader realised piece by piece what was happening.

I’ve gone over my 100 words, but whatever :tehe:
It was great, well done!