February 13th, 2010 at 11:56pm
I really like the repetitive use of 'Demi' in the first paragraph. It seems like the Narrator when telling something from Nick's sort of point of view is a little distressed when they're retelling it. Like they're also panicking about Semi getting mad at them.
“What is it, Nick?” she snapped. The first line of dialogue is co cold and snappish and just really sets up Demi as being annoyed at answering the call from Nick.
He was probably rolling his eyes. I like that Demi knows what he's probably doing, like she knows him so well.
"...I just wanted to hear your voice?” That's so... cute. It's just this little line that makes me smile. The idea that he wants to hear her voice.
“Why are you in such a bad mood?” He avoids the subject. Almost, at times like he's trying to annoy her, and then also just because he wants to talk and he wants the conversation to go on longer.
Sel. He abbreviated her name. The way Demi answers so strogly with "No!" kind of says to me that it annoys her. “Can you please just tell me what to do?" the way Nick needs Demi to tell her what to do is so... it just sjows how reliant he is and the way he's so quick to come to the conclusion that she doesn't want to know him anymore is almost heartbreaking.
“Demi? Did you hang up?” Once again, he's so quick to question what she's done. Is she gone? Was it his fault? And then the continuous use of the word 'please' from Nick is also just like he feels like he needs to plead to her or convince her that he's being sincere.
but she was always annoyed. I wonder why she was always annoyed around Nick. Was it him being so clingy, or even the fact that he bothered her? I wonder if part of their relationship is her getting annoyed all the time.
“Cool. Do you hate me?” and Nick’s smile shrunk. This seems, both the lines, almost like Nick's expecting it. Like he's expecting or even wanting her to hate him.
Ah! I love that last 'please' towards the end. It's in such a different context. A happier one. This please is asking for a smile.
It's just amazing how you've ended it on such a light note, contrasting greatly the start with the cold tone of Demi answering the phone.
Loved it. :arms:
the emotive language was wonderful