Yellow Like the Sun - Comments

Thanks. (: Truth be told, I've never had to deal with this type of thing before, but now that I look back, t would be more realistic if she had more time.

You did a really good job with this. The imagery was super vivid, and the descriptions were enough that it was fantastic without going overboard. The little details that you put into it- pulling on her flats that though she's worn them a million times she never gets bored of them, and yelling to an empty house that she was leaving- really made it seem that much more real than if you'd left them out.

I'm not a big fan of the ending, though. It just seems to me that, since they'd been together for so long, it should have taken longer for her to be okay with it. That took away some of the realism for me.

Regardless, you did a really good job with this.

this was amazing; sad; but good.

First of all? Loved the story, loved the idea. Even though the banner on the side read "the type of feeling that can't be explained," you did an amazing job of explaining. =]

Modifiers like sun-drenched, brilliantly colored (dress), and unwelcoming (grass) all make the imagery pop. I recognized certain parts as experiences from my own life: pulling on a pair of flats that you've worn for a million times and can never get bored of, yelling to an empty house that you're going out as if it will worry while you're away. It made everything ten times more real.

In terms of the plot, it was traditional, nothing terribly 'different.' However, it was the characters and your narration that made it special, made it stand apart. I loved how you chose the word 'believe' when Jake gave his opinion on long-distance relationships. It made you hate him in a way, but also see his flaws from behind the main character's eyes. That's what I got out of it, anyway - it might not have even been intentional. =P The ending was nice. Melancholy, bittersweet, and understated rather than the usual waterworks. I have a flair for the drama myself, so I could definitely take a hint from you. =]

Also, I very much appreciated the proper spelling, grammar, etc. I have read too many good stories that turned me off right away with lousy mistakes that MS Word or any other word processor's spell-checker could've caught. So thanks for that. ^.^

Oh, yeah, I spaced out the paragraphs, but not the quotes, my bad.

And thanks! :)

It was good, sucks Jake had to move.

A little advice: New person speaking, new paragraph.

You had spectacular detail, describing it perfectly. I like the yellow flats because I happen to have a pair of my own, which I do happen to love a lot. (:

Overall good job.