Neurotic - Comments

Wow...That's really the only word I could use to describe how amazing this story is.
The multiple personalities of Frank, how George was the only one of the three to truly understand what was going on and how he fought with Gerard constantly about it really made the story's characters come to life, as well as delve into what Gerard thought about what he was doing.

Iero's dreams were very intriguing, how they related to what was going on but how he didn't realise it was regarding what he, or Charlie, had let themselves go through. He was almost naive in that sense, too.

Your definitely going to win the competition, Neurotic is so good! :cute:

First of all, love, I cannot use any words to express how proud i am of you.

This is incomparable.
This is fucking epic.
You will definitely win this, hands down.

I see it like this...

Gerard Way is two faced.
On one side you have his therapist, helpful character.
On the another... an ugly monster, a pedophile. The one who breaks Frank's trust in him, the one who breaks the family's trust in him.

I love the way you included the elder Frank. Driven by his concern for Frankie, he goes to Gerard Way... the family friend, the one whom he believes will be able to help Frankie. The elder Frank places that faith he has in Gerard to cure his Frankie. Little does he know that Gerard was the one responsible for what Frankie has become... and to protect his secret, to fufill his desires, he has been misusing that trust...

And Frank. Wow, i don't even know where to begin. That complication, the different personalities... I think, George is my favourite. Though he's supposed to be the "oldest", the "wisest", the one keeping Frank "sane", there is a hint of childish-ness there...
"Don’t be insolent.
I won’t, Doc."

Charlie. The good boy. The one who, because "Dr Way" wants it, chooses to keep quiet. Due to his respect and regard for Gerard, he suffers... Charlie's neurosis is very fascinating. That incredible need for things to be right... The desire stems, i think, because he is the subconcious that represents the repressed memories. The bad memories. That's why he needs for things to be right, to be correct, to go back to what they used to be.

And Iero. Clueless. He's a bit pompous. I didn't really like him, but i love his dreams. Vivid, and i love the way you portrayed it. Like dreams, they're weird, fast-paced and ever changing...

Frank. The clueless, sweet one. Need i say more? my heart breaks for him.

Amazing job love.
:arms:
This is probably one of your best works ever.
I can only dream of reaching the heights that you have accomplished with this.
Amazing.


And thanks for the inspiration ;D

Wow! Okay, so first of all it was amazing. I almost got lost for a second but I quickly got back up to speed with things.

I loved the introduction. Little Frank seemed so sweet and innocent and I didn't really like Gerard there because I guessed what he was doing to Frank, or was about to do to Frank, and he seemed to steal the innocence and abuse Frank's trust. This is the one aspect of pedophillia stories that unnerves me. When the young kids don't know exactly what is going on but go along with it because they trust the adult.

I think I got lost when it came to the different voices. You explained it later on but at first I was confused with Frankie, Frank, Iero, Charlie and George. I got to grips with that later on and Erika's interpretation of it up there is also very interesting.

The Iero kid's dreams were interesting too. I loved his descriptions. They maybe didn't fit the average teenager but they seemed to make him different. He seemed special. I loved how poetic everything sounded. I'm a sucker for big, flowery language. I can't write it but I love to read it.

I loved the George format as well. The other comments have already said this so I won't go over it too much. But I liked how I could picture and hear what they were saying and how they were saying it in my head even though you didn't have any description to how they were saying it. Did that make sense? I meant it as you wrote what George / Dr Way was saying and I could tell they were shouting or whatever even though you didn't say ..." George shouted. That took skill.

I haven't really watched any movies like this. I know you told me you were thinking about it like a movie you saw and were going for that approach. I haven't seen any movies similar to this but I could picture how it would be played out in a movie. I liked that. :)

Finally, just to round up, it was amazing. I think it wipes the floor with my excuse for an entry. Well done! You successfully made my jaw drop. Good luck with the contest, but I'm sure you won't need it with this entry.

:omfg: This is amazing.
It's very confusing and twisted which I love, it's refreshing when you don't get a situation served to you on a plate and you kinda have to dig for it a little as you're going through the story. Though it did come out a lot more nearer to the end.
I love George He's looking out for Frank, y'know?
Good luck with the contest, you realy deserve to win

This was absolutely incredible, especially the beginning. I really liked with the multi personalities that you didn't just do a younger blinded version, but also threw in one who realized what was going on. It was just beautiful, and I hope you win :D

This is brilliantly written, I loved it.

Hai :cute: Erika owns this comment virginity. :weird

Wow. I don't know what to say about this. It's brilliant.
If you do not win, I'll fucking swim down to the UK and go ninja on Kherri. I swear.

It's so huge, and epic! I now get why you were so fucking excited about it! I was totally not expecting this, not for one minute. I didn't think that Gerard and Frank would know each other, I thought they'd just be strangers and that Frank would somehow reveal a random secret of Gerard's. But this was so much better! I have a thing for pedophilia stories now, y'know, ( :coffee: ) and this was fantastic.

The introduction was the best part, in my opinion. I adore how Gerard was so nice and sweet, and obviously one of Frank's favorite people. He's like your favorite uncle, that you just joke around with and I think that really fitted his character, especially as he was so different and nonchalant in his conversations with George. I love the innocence of Frank too, how he was still incredibly childish at the age of ten. Of course, no details of how the drawing he made were mentioned, but in my head they were pretty much like stick figures, and it made him a lot younger in my head. Frank calling Gerard, Gee, was adorable too. And how he just let Gerard do whatever he wanted because he was a friend...

If I got this right; Gerard had been abusing Frank for 6 years, but Frank had only been acting strange for two years. I think that is rather curious. Gerard had stopped coming around as often around that time too, right?

It's really confusing with the way you never really knew for sure which voice did what, except for George, of course. And it was pretty clear that Charlie was the boy who was physically abused and aware of it happening, but Frank was clueless. Or, he wasn't and he was actually enjoying whatever Gerard did to him and didn't find it weird that Gerard woke him up when he almost naked and there should have been pain too.

Unless there's a fourth voice we don't know about. Like, the teenager that rambled about his dreams wasn't necessarily Frank, but just Iero, and the real Frank is the boy who woke up! I don't know if my strange theories make sense at all, but it would be interesting.

Anyway, I think it was an amazing story, and I love how you wrote the different parts to make out the voices. I especially enjoyed the George parts, since they were written in a very nice format and it was just Gerard and him snapping questions and accusations at each other. He seemed so butch, y'know, trying to protect Frank because he was older, like the older brother Frank didn't have. Yeah, George was my favorite. :con:

The teenager dream parts seemed a bit redundant to me though. It was good to have a look into Frank's warped mind, but it was a bit too long and detailed and the descriptions didn't seem to come from a teenager, it didn't really fit him going on about his dream. Unless he had been drunk or something. Or I dunno. It could be just me not getting the message. :XD

To sum this up, I loved it. I haven't read any of the other entries, but I really do think you are worth of the first place with something so huge and epic as this. You have put so much into developing all the characters and the stories, and it's really amazing. The idea was brilliant from the beginning, and you executed it professionally. I think those creative writing classes really paid off. :tehe:

This was beautiful, babe. Good luck! I love you. :arms: