Vouloir - Comments

I really like this story, it's sad but I like it. :]
I'm definitely subscribing.

This story is so sweet and sad.
I'm really loving it.
Can't wait for more (:

Well, I don't mind the paragraphs at all.
In fact, I think the whole thing is perfect.
Your writing style is exceptional.
I'm so subscribing.
Great two chapters - can't wait for more!
(:

Great start, but I have some things:

I don't wanna be a bitch but...

You need to separate different paragraphs. There should be a new paragraph each time a new idea is presented.

Readers are turned off when they click on a story, see a whole clump of writing, with no breaks. It makes it seem overwhelming and annoying, and long...in a negative way. They're more likely to click the back button rather than the comment or subscribe button.

Also: capitalization. I don't think I need to expand on that idea.

And just a reminder that every time a new person is speaking, it constitutes a new paragraph, no matter how short.

If you have problems with these things, then maybe you should just look for an editor. It will save you on stress.

Hope I helped :)