When You're Gone - Comments

could here Lily singing to herself.

Hear; but now onto the mechanics of the story.

It was a good idea, and honestly, I didn't have high hopes at the beginning. But things picked up when Lily was sent off to church by herself; the desperation in the mother's character was very well played out, and as much as I thought the text messages would be cliche, they actually added to the story. The whole story read like a snapshot of just a very different family who has to deal with very different things, and despite my bias opinion on some of the factors I very much enjoyed the feelings I got when reading. I think that the end could have used some serious ampage though, and by that I mean more description as to what the mother is feeling in terms of relief. Maybe some more word-play, because it is such a beautiful feeling and message you're trying to get across. I'm sure with some editing this could be one of those heart-seizing stories, but as it stands, it was mildly sad, could use some more beef in the descriptions, and some more personification of the characters. I give this story the level of "thought-provoking," and "heart-stroking." Now try to turn that stroke into a squeeze!

first off, I'm sorry I took so long to comment your stories from when you won. This is amazing. It was so sad, I really felt something. Awesome job!

That was amazing (:

This was an awesome story!
You got first place on it by the way!
Thanks for doing this. You are an awesome writer!

This story was amazing. I almost cried(and I never cry when reading) when I got to the end, a happy almost cry of course. :) I really loved this story though.

That was so cute, and sad and awww.

Aw, i loved it i can't wait for more! and i totally get the whole scared every second thing my brother in law's in the army and his friends are to(duh) and i'm always scared they might get sent away of something

I loved it. (((:

Very cute and touching.

that was a really cute story!!!!
i loved it
:)