Paranoia - Comments

She’s sixteen years old, the age of butterflies and dewdrops and dreams. I ADORE this line. Just everything about it is perfect.<3

The cream-carpeted floors are dripping with paint... Wait, what? How can floors drip with paint???

The cream-carpeted floors are dripping with paint; the scarlets and gingers of a sunset forming on the rug. Sketches are scribbled on the sheets; of meadows and animals, grazing grasses sweet. They’re her escape, gateway to the world, because she doesn’t go out anymore, doesn’t even think it. Gah, too much puncuation. The commas and semi-colons make me eyes hurt. But when I did finish reading this paragraph, I loved it.(:

Other than this, I can't find anything else wrong. The plot and concept were so good. I wish this would've contniued.

Second time I read this, and it was just as good. YOUHAVESUPERWRITINGDESCRIPTIVEIMAGERYSUPERHEROPOWEREPICNESS :file: and I'm jealous of it. I seriously couldn't tell what part is my favourite, I love every inch of this one-shot.

You have a way with words. Your talent pwns shakespeares.

So, yeah.

I LOVED IT :cheese: :yah

one word -

BEAUTIFUL. :cheese:

I liked the way you weaved the poem into this.
It was heartfelt, clever and tragic and your imagery is lovely.
Superb :cute:

This is one of my favorite one-shots so far. My favorite sentence must be How she wants to speak to them, scream it into their souls, ”He’s there, can’t you see him, oh, can’t you?!” It's the description that kills me, never in my whole entire life have I read something so magnificent.

This story is true art.

Well I abslolutely love your choice of words. You are very descriptive and you use advanced vocabulary. I can tell you have plenty of practice in craftng the perfect sentence.

I love that you were able to make it your own. Although you used Stephen King for inspiration, you were able to add your own to it and not be just like him.

It was amazing, simply.

your detail is... so stunning.
I am a sucker for stories with beautiful detail. It makes me feel like I connect with characters better, and the entire thing was just... perfectly and poetically written.

I love this. It was very beautifully written. The descriptions were perfect.
You did an excellent job on this. I really loved reading this.

FIrstly I just want to say that I absolutely adore Stephen King. He's one of my favorite authors. I have two entire bookcases filled with his books. :) Anywho, I'm interested in seeing how you do basing your story off of his.

It's a very good plotline. It didn't exactly capture the essence of Stephen King's writing, in fact it didn't really do that all. But pushing that aside your writing is very well done. There were a few grammar/punctuation errors though.

I really like how you use your words. Like instead of just having a boring sentence, you make it unique with imageries and similes and the like, and I believe it's very well done.

I love the italisized lines, they fit almost perfectly. I think you did a lovely job. :)

Hope this helped. :)

You used such beautiful imagery few out and excellent word choices, it was really beautiful and an interesting read.
I really enjoyed it, you're very talented.

Wow, that was nice. I like your way with words.
It's a sad story and I was all , but all in all I liked it. :tehe: