I think this is really fantastic! And I like the song Blood On the Dance Floor by Michael Jackson. It's really inspiring and fantastic! :) Awesome oneshot! Keep up your awesome, superb writing! :)
March 14th, 2010 at 10:15pm
this was a good effort. you didn't have to put all those lyrics in there, though. it takes away from the effect if not done properly, and i regret to say, it wasn't done properly in this oneshot. sorry, love. it was definitely a good effort, though. you used adjectives and were descriptive. just be more attentive when it comes to punctuation and organizing your thoughts. you could've been a little more creative with where you took the story, also. this is all a learning process, though, and it was a great entry.
thanks for entering!