August 11th, 2009 at 12:46pm
SO AWESOME!!!!!!!!!
I adored it. I'm not a huge fan of Gerberts, either, so this was something I was only reading for amusement. I loved it though.
Great writing. =]
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I think the summary gave a perfect introduction to the story. It was good, because it gave the reader almost a little slice of how Gerard was feeling, so they were instantly sympathetic with him. I liked it, because no-one was particularly blamed in the story. You wrote it so I could see clearly which had done something wrong and the fact that they both wanted another chance. It was so sad!!
I loved how you listed the calls and messages Bert had when he woke up, as it sets the scene for the reader and gives us a little bit of ‘normal’ life for him. I really liked how Dan had sent him a photo of a grilled cheese sandwich, it made me laugh (:
I love how you used the memories, and I thought the way you ended them were particularly good. Like, half way through a sentence, because it seems that the memory is so painful for Bert he’s had to snap himself out of it. I thought that was really good, because, to me, it seemed that Bert still loved him.
I really liked how you used a fanfiction, not a lot of people would have thought of using it. I thought it was extremely clever, because most Gerbert fanfics DO portray Bert as the bad guy, and nobody really thinks of how he would see it. I thought it was good (:
This comment is getting a bit long, so I’ll try and sum it up quickly, haha. I thought it was good how Quinn just left the CD and went, it showed how his bandmates are aware of his feelings, and know him extremely well. I also like how Quinn persuaded Bert to listen in the end.
’... he felt a sudden nervousness take him over. Gerard would be inside. I really liked this line, as it could show either the fact that Bert’s nervous about seeing him purely for the fact they haven’t seen each other in a while, he’s nervous because Gerard once played a big part in his life, or – my favourite option – it shows the extent to which Bert still loves him.
I loved the ending, I thought it was perfect. I really love this story. Please turn it into a chaptered story and make them get back together :P
ZombieBeth xx