Fallen From Grace - Comments

I personally found this a bore... There was several grammatical errors and I just felt it generic and simple. I honestly found Harry Potter more entertaining and enticing than this. And before you go 'off on one', you're a writer... You should take the criticism on the chin.

Holy shit. I fucking love this. It was well written, & well tied.

I love this. It is a creative story with a poetic voice to it. Poetic is the only way I can describe it right now. But I must say, great job.

I think the POV between the two characters got a bit confusing, you could have made that more clear.

I thought it was sad, I felt bad for Derek...

omg!! this was simply amazing!! i love it

One Shot For One Shot.

I liked it for the main part, but it seems slightly out of order. You need to divide Derek's side from Ida's. The paragraph sounds like Ida knows what he is doing.

Other than that I liked it. I love how you incorporated the song smoothly into the one-shot and it fit each scene. The song did tell a story.

I do love the drama and drug use. You really described her insecurties and that getting high was her relief.

Well done on the excellent one-shot. Hope to see more. (:

One Shot For One Shot

Okay, firstly. Bad things.

I didn't like the layout, or the font. It seemed sort of...nonprofessional to me. I'm just very big on clean simple looks, but that's just me.

The writing was sort of choppy but in some cases that can be good. I think for this style of one shot it worked. You had some very good feeling and details and I like that it was a songfic. I can't normally find decent songfics.

SO brava to you. :)

One Shot For One Shot

2nd time I've read this and I think I loved it even more than before.

It's was so detailed and precise. I always look for when an author adds tons of detail so it feels like you were in the story, watching from the background. This did it. Truth be told, it's one of the only oneshots I can say that about.

This was absolutely perfect. The idea was amazing and it was a great songfic. It's one of the most perfect oneshots I've read.

Beautiful job. (:

Second time I've read it and I still found it absolutely stunning.
The detail was just amazing, I felt as though I could see every scene right in front of my eyes.

Just perfect, absolutely beautiful :3

Amazing, amazing job

One Shot For One Shot.

My gosh, I absolutely loved it. I thought it would be a fanfic at first, seeing the layout. But it turns out that I have found a new favorite oneshot.

I loved that you included a bit of both perspectives. I loved all the detail you put into each character. The setting was perfect and...this was perfect.

I also liked how you made the character die and all the detail in it. It seemed like I could imagine that scenario and picture it perfectly. The way she died reminded me of one of my favorite songs.

Amazing job. (:

AMFG. :omfg:
That was amazing. At first I didn't think it would be that great, to be honest, but as I kept reading, I was like ._. then o_o then O_O, then :don:

It was written beautifully. And I almost felt bad for the guy because you gave a bit of his perspective. But that's just me. I always feel bad for the bad guy, or the weirdo. I like to think everyone has a story. :XD

OMFG. :don: She cut her mouth open. That was so wonderfully chilling, and such a creative way to die. The fact that she did was sad, but it was a beautiful one shot.

One Shot for One Shot, again.

Well, this would be my second time commenting this one-shot.
Seeing as this is the only one that you have.
But anyway, I still loved it. It was was still emotional, and reading it a second time almost made me shed a few tears.
I think the concept and Ida's character was amazing, I love how she escaped.
I didn't expect the ending, where she killed herself so brutally.
You wouldn't have thought that she would resort to death, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
It would've been cool if you told us what happened when her boyfriend found out about her death.
But nonetheless, it was still amazing.
And you have still got the skills.
:D

One Shot for One Shot.

Wow, that was wow.
That made me extremely emotional.
But I love twizzlers.
Yes, I love twizzlers.
Then end was amazing, I loved the last sentence, it almost made me cry.
The only thing that scared me was the picture of the red haired guy, I was afraid.
Haha.
But overall, it was pretty darn amazing.
You have the skills.

:D

This was really good.

I liked how you described everything so well, so you could really picture what was happening.

Ida's complete despair came across really well as well.

It was just really well-written, and was really captivating and interesting to read. Loved it.

very detailed, minimal grammar.
I enjoyed it, hope others do to :)
great job.

Detailed, no gramatical errors and I loved it
Good job.

I quite enjoyed it :tehe:

Great job on the description and imagery, you have talent m'dear :cute:

It was lovely

I loved it!

Very awesome job! (:

OHHMAAHGAAH!
I really loved it.
It was amazingly detailed, and i felt like I was in the story right with Ida.
It's hard finding someone who can write like this because alot of people don't detail theirs like you did.
Amazing job.
Sorry this isn't longer, but really I had to sum it up.
One word describing this: A M A Z I N G!
Truly great job.

Yayyy! Here's my review...

Grammmmmmmar shit
* "Oh how she wished..." -- comma after 'oh.'
* "This meant, little to no contact with..." -- no comma necessary here. =]
* "This was also where Bradley International Airport was located, which was the closest airport to most of Connecticut’s residents, besides those who were close to the New York border." -- This is a run-on. You might want to break it after residents.
* "Not yet, however, but Ida..." -- This line was a little awkward. Maybe remove however? The meaning gets a little confused in the wording, I think.
* "...he’d probably wish he hadn’t." -- This should be: he probably wished he hadn't.
* The timing and changes of perspective were a little confusing for me. You may want to play around with how you distinguish between past recollections and current happenings.

Likedddd
* How you played with the concept of words as tangible, ownable objects. Derek wants every one of her words to belong to him. It's almost sweet when you hear it, but also a frightening prospect.
* How you had Derek think she was teasing him. I dunno, I thought that was well-placed.
* When Ida cut her mouth. Actually, I don't know if I liked or was creeped out by that. It was pretty spooky. ^.^

LOVED!

Quote

She was still slowly moving ahead, guided by streetlights.

It's literal, but also not... Oh, this line is so perfect. <3

Quote

The exits were always locked, and alarms were on every window. She truly was a prisoner.

AMAZING imagery.

Quote

It always felt like she wouldn’t live much longer

This is so... Subtle. A very good way to put it. Not outright that she would die, but that she'd always felt like she wasn't going to live... Wow. <3

What I really enjoyed this story is that it used the song, but as a building point rather than a crutch. It's the harmony, the soundtrack: not the main event. It's clear you didn't shape the plot around it, only used it as a guideline. Overall, great story.