Wax Candles - Comments

I just wanted to let you know that your story is amazing. You are a wonderful writer! Please update soon!

I've read this story like 10-20 times over :P

PLEASE UPDATE!!!!

I love it Cinema Bizarre and pirates and vampires how unique! plz update soon

Wow a lot of stuff on here sucks, but this is GREAT!!!
You must update!

Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaasssssssseeeeee update!!!!!!

Love it!!

I liked the chapter. ^.^

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I always ended up getting my face slapped or my nose flicked.

:tehe: I love how you wrote Yu! So intense and delicious!

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After looking at his beauty, the rest of the world appeared dull.

Adorable.

Little corrections:
"...we were down her." --> here
“We’re vampire..." --> vampires
"...I had said, sarcasm was practically dripping from my words." --> confusing verb tenses. Maybe take out the "was?"
“May I ask of what reason?” --> for what reason
"You’re heart will know by then." --> your heart

Two typos: "Come one now!” (Come on now, I assumed.) "...a degusting grin..." (Disgusting.)

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Every leaves one. Yes, even the pretty, rich people.

I liked this line. ^.^ But I think you meant every one, not every.

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I’m going to treat you like a dog if you keep acting like one.

Harsh! lol.

I'm curious now what time period this is set in. There aren't many pirates in that region of the world nowadays, but there certainly weren't sinks in the 17th century. =]

Another thing - who's April? That's what Massu called who I thought was named Carter in the beginning of the chapter, and it kinda confused me. O.o

Excited to read more!

Oh, and I like the new layout. It's spiffy. :file:

Just a little anachronism I noticed: "I had never heard an Asian say "You dig" before." If you're writing this as if it takes place during the Golden Age of Piracy in the Caribbean (16-1700's), chances would be an upperclass female of a well-to-do West Indies town wouldn't have seen an Asian, period - except perhaps a trader here or there - and probably wouldn't refer to Huyu as an Asian. Probably something a little less politically correct, unfortunately. Then again, it's totally your poetic liberty to leave it however you want. ^.^

I did think the "I don't dig" line was very funny, though. xP

Random correction: "'Not a problem,' Huyu smiled..." This is kind of a hard rule to explain, but if you think about the sentence from a grammar stand-point... Subject = Huyu. Verb = smile. Direct Object (i.e. whatever the verb is making, doing, etc.) = "Not a problem." Logically, you can't 'smile' a sentence. You can say, shout, scream, hurl, comment, interject, whisper, or mumble a sentence, but you can't 'smile' it. Either replace 'smile' with a saying verb, or end the quote with a period and have the next sentence begin: "Huyu smiled..." =]

Another random correction: "...his crocked grin..." Did you mean crooked?

Other correction: ""Your wearing perfume." --> This should be you're. "Your" is a possessive pronoun, and "you're" is the contraction of you and are.

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that smile of his was going to get me killed some time soon, I knew it.

<333 Loved that line!

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Neither am I. Just a little fun.

Aren't we all? lol.

Cute chapter.

I like it so far. Good details, dialogue (sp?), etc....
I honestly can't wait to read more of it!

I just started reading this, and I think it's absolutely beautiful! I finished the first chapter, and I must say it's one of the better stories I've read in a long time. ^.^

I love how you kept the action fast-paced and casual, without dwelling too heavily in one place or another. The dialogue was very well done, and it fit just right. At the same time, your description was lush and effortless and fluid. It was all absolutely stunning. There were a few lines I really loved...

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I sat in a corner of my room, knees to my chest and my arms hugging my legs to my body. Before my nurse had left, she had handed me a worn wooden rosary, which I clutched to my heart now.

I like this. It felt very immediate; simply described, but accurately.

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In one fluid motion, Kiro shoved me from the window sill...

What a nice image!

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Port Royal was like a charred graveyard, leaving nothing but burned angels in its wake.

Beautiful. <3

One or two typos I noticed...
* "...leading mm over to a hammock..." --> me
* "...I tried to stand up straight; saying a few words in German to the boys." --> comma, not semi-colon
* "Although he was a male," he shrugged..." --> only use a comma after dialogue if the verb of the following sentence implies speaking, yelling, saying, telling, shouting, etc. You can't shrug a word. ^.^ Instead, end the quote with a period and start the new sentence, "He..."

I can't wait to read more. I'm usually more of a Tokio Hotel person, but I really, really enjoyed what I've seen so far. I can honestly say it was a pleasure! =]

i like it
it's very interesting
more soon? :mrgreen: